Episode 170
170 - Understanding Your Anger Triggers
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever gone from calm to furious in a matter of seconds, and only afterwards wondered, “Where did that come from?”
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why anger rarely comes out of nowhere. Instead, it’s usually triggered by long-standing patterns that quietly shape how you react in relationships, at work and under stress.
You’ll learn what anger triggers really are, where they come from, and why recognising them early gives you the power to slow things down before anger takes control.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- What anger triggers are and why they feel automatic
- Why small moments can activate intense emotional reactions
- Common anger triggers, including feeling disrespected, criticised, or overwhelmed
- How past experiences and stress fuel present-day anger
- Why awareness is the first step to real anger control
Practical tools discussed:
- Identifying your personal anger triggers through reflection
- Using a diary or journal to spot patterns in your anger
- Recognising early warning signs before anger escalates
- Challenging unhelpful thoughts through cognitive reframing
- When to seek professional support to speed up change
Want help with this?
If you want support identifying and managing your anger triggers:
- Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycle
- Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call
- Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
Visit angersecrets.com to get started.
Once you can recognise your anger triggers, you’re no longer at their mercy.
And remember:
You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself.
Transcript
Have you ever found yourself going from 0 to 100 in just a few seconds?
Speaker A:And only afterwards wondered, where did that come from?
Speaker A:One moment you're fine, the next, something small has flipped a switch inside you.
Speaker A:It might be an innocent comment, a look, a tone of voice.
Speaker A:And before you've had time to think, your body reacts, your thoughts race, and anger takes over.
Speaker A:For many people, this isn't a one off.
Speaker A:It's something that repeats itself over and over again in their relationships, at work, or in moments they later wish they'd handled differently.
Speaker A:If this applies to you, you're not alone.
Speaker A:Anger is a common emotion that we all experience every at one point or another in our lives.
Speaker A:And it rarely comes out of nowhere.
Speaker A:Instead, it's usually triggered by patterns that have been shaping your reactions for years.
Speaker A:And in this episode we'll explore what your personal anger triggers are, where they come from, and how recognizing them early gives you the power to slow things down before anger takes control.
Speaker A:Because once you can recognize your anger triggers, you're no longer at their mercy.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 170 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angersecrets.com.
Speaker A:there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:Okay, with that said, let's dive into today's understanding your anger triggers.
Speaker A:As I've already mentioned, many people experience anger outbursts on a regular basis, but don't take the time to understand what exactly is causing them.
Speaker A:But by understanding your anger triggers, you can gain greater control over your emotions and reduce the frequency and intensity of your anger episodes.
Speaker A:So let's begin by defining what an anger trigger actually is.
Speaker A:An anger trigger is essentially a specific situation, behaviour or emotional state that sparks your anger.
Speaker A:It's a bit like a button that, when pressed, releases your anger response almost automatically.
Speaker A:Understanding these triggers is the first step towards anger management.
Speaker A:However, anger triggers are often highly personal and can vary greatly from one person to another.
Speaker A:For example, some people might find themselves incredibly triggered by things like being interrupted while speaking or when they feel undervalued at work.
Speaker A:Others might react strongly to personal criticism or feeling ignored, and others may have a strong emotional response to specific events or memories that remind them of past traumas or painful experiences.
Speaker A:To help understand and recognize your own anger triggers, it is useful to think about a recent time when you felt angry.
Speaker A:Start by recalling what was happening around you in this situation, for example, who was involved and what were you thinking and feeling at that time.
Speaker A:By reflecting on these questions, you can identify your potential triggers for your anger.
Speaker A:Importantly, however, understanding your anger triggers isn't just about knowing what these triggers are, but also about understanding why they affect you.
Speaker A:Often.
Speaker A:For instance, anger triggers aren't about what is happening in the moment, but they are connected to past experiences, deeper underlying issues, or even your deepest fears and insecurities.
Speaker A:After working with over 15,000 people over the last 30 years to help them identify and manage their anger triggers, some of the most common anger triggers feeling disrespected or undervalued, experiencing injustice or unfair treatment, feeling like your personal boundaries have have been violated and feeling criticised or judged.
Speaker A:Unsurprisingly, financial stress, work pressure, feeling tired, personal insecurities, feeling inadequate and consuming alcohol or drugs also rank high on the list of what fuels people's anger.
Speaker A:But let's talk about you.
Speaker A:What are your anger triggers?
Speaker A:Take a moment now to reflect on this question and see if you can identify any recurring patterns or themes in your anger episodes.
Speaker A:You can even pause this podcast episode as you do this.
Speaker A:Okay, Once you have a better understanding of what your anger triggers are, it's important to know that recognizing these triggers is just the first step towards managing them effectively.
Speaker A:The next step is learning and practicing specific techniques to control your response to these triggers and transform your relationship with anger.
Speaker A:Of course, there are many ways to do that.
Speaker A:Some of the most effective one Keep a personal diary or journal to write down times when you felt angry.
Speaker A:In this journal, write down what happened in these situations, how you felt and who was involved.
Speaker A:Include things such as what thoughts you were having, what physical sensations you experienced, and what feelings the situation bought up for you.
Speaker A:In my comprehensive online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I will introduce you to an anger diary.
Speaker A:This diary is a detailed record of past events that made you angry, including what triggered you in these situations.
Speaker A:I will also give you thoughts and ideas about how to avoid being triggered, such as by changing your thoughts in the situations to more useful or constructive thoughts.
Speaker A:A second way to manage your anger triggers is recognise what I call your early warning signs of anger.
Speaker A:Your early warning signs of anger are the physical, emotional and cognitive signs that you are becoming triggered by a situation.
Speaker A:As I have discussed in previous podcast episodes, recognizing these early warning signs of anger is a crucial first step to being able to de escalate anger before you get triggered into an anger outburst.
Speaker A:A third way to manage your anger triggers is is to practice a process I call cognitive reframing.
Speaker A:Cognitive reframing involves identifying and challenging your negative thoughts that are contributing to your anger triggers.
Speaker A:For example, if you often feel angry when criticized by your partner, you may be having thoughts such as they don't appreciate me or they are always negative towards me.
Speaker A:By reframing these thoughts to more rational and balanced ones, such as they may be trying to help me or my partner may be stressed out about something else, you can decrease the intensity of your anger response.
Speaker A:The fourth way to manage your anger triggers is to seek professional help for your anger.
Speaker A:This may include seeking out a local therapist or counsellor who can provide you with the tools and support to better understand and manage your anger triggers.
Speaker A:Alternatively, I offer a range of ways to help you control your anger, including one on one coaching and a powerful online course that will teach you the skills needed to recognize and manage your anger triggers effectively.
Speaker A:Remember, mastering anger is an ongoing process.
Speaker A:It requires self awareness, patience and practice.
Speaker A:However, by understanding and working on your anger triggers, you can start to take control of your anger, master your emotions, and live a calmer, happier and more fulfilling life.
Speaker A:Remember too that no matter what is going on for you or how challenging it may seem at first, you can learn to control your anger.
Speaker A:Okay, that's about it for today.
Speaker A:To summarize, in this episode you have learned about your anger triggers, what they are and why it's important to recognize them.
Speaker A:I also discussed some of the most common anger triggers in others, as well as some possible ways to manage your own triggers.
Speaker A:These include keeping a personal diary or journal to record your experiences with with anger, recognizing and learning how to manage your early warning signs of anger, practicing cognitive reframing to challenge negative thoughts that contribute to your anger triggers and seeking professional help if needed, including therapy or coaching.
Speaker A:Okay, thanks for listening to today's episode.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, please hit that follow button and leave a quick podcast review.
Speaker A:This helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to control their anger today.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to control your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer health, happier and healthier life.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
