Episode 155
155 - Why Anger Hits You So Fast — And How to Stop It
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever felt like your anger comes out of nowhere—one moment you're fine, and the next you're exploding?
In this insightful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down the real reasons why you might think you get angry so quickly.
By understanding what's truly happening beneath the surface, you can learn to spot the early warning signs of anger, break unhelpful habits and regain control before things spiral.
Key Takeaways:
-Anger rarely comes out of nowhere—there are always warning signs, and learning to spot them is the first step to staying in control.
-The Tension Scale is a simple but powerful tool to help you track your stress before it boils over into anger.
-Anger can become a learned habit, especially if you grew up around frequent outbursts—but habits can be unlearned with awareness and effort.
-Your brain works incredibly fast, processing emotions and past experiences in the background, which can make anger feel sudden even when it’s not.
-Reframing your thoughts in moments of conflict can help you choose understanding over outburst, even in high-stress situations.
-With practice, patience and the right tools, you can replace reactive anger with calm, respectful responses that strengthen your relationships.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
One moment you're fine, the next it feels like a storm has broken loose inside you.
Speaker A:Your voice rises, your fists clench, and you wonder, where did that come from?
Speaker A:Why did I get so angry so fast?
Speaker A:If this has ever been your experience, you're not alone.
Speaker A:Millions of people feel the same way.
Speaker A:The sense that their anger is a fuse that burns far too quickly.
Speaker A:But here's the anger doesn't strike out of nowhere.
Speaker A:There are always warning signs of anger and once you're able to recognize them, you can stop that storm before it starts.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 155 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dues and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, take responsibility for their actions and build calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website angersecrets.com there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:Ok, with that said, today I'm going to talk about a question that I get asked all the time.
Speaker A:This question is why do I get angry so fast?
Speaker A:This is a problem that many people struggle with.
Speaker A:I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you have no control over your anger, especially when it seems to come on so quickly.
Speaker A:But the good news is there are reasons why people think that they get angry quickly and even better, once you understand these reasons, you can learn how to recognise when you are getting angry and take steps to de escalate your anger before it gets out of control.
Speaker A:So let's dive in and explore three powerful reasons why you think you get angry fast and what you can do about it.
Speaker A:Reason 1 why people think they get angry fast is that they are unaware of the build up of their anger.
Speaker A:Many people are not aware of of the build up of anger within them.
Speaker A:For example, you may be going about your day thinking that you are feeling fine and then someone says or does something that triggers an outburst of anger.
Speaker A:You may feel like your anger came out of nowhere, but the truth is there was a build up of frustration or anger leading up to that moment.
Speaker A:This buildup is why it is important to recognize the warning signs of anger and building up within you before this anger gets out of control.
Speaker A:To help people do this, one of the first Tools I teach is what I call the tension scale.
Speaker A:So what is the tension scale?
Speaker A:The tension scale is a scale from 0 to 10 that measures your level of tension or stress in any situation.
Speaker A:Zero on the tension scale represents no tension or stress whatsoever, while 10 represents extreme tension or stress.
Speaker A:As you will probably understand, your tension or stress levels go up and down all day.
Speaker A:If you are having a busy day at work, your tension levels will rise.
Speaker A:However, once the workday finishes and you get home, your tension levels will often fall.
Speaker A:Many people who say to me that they get angry very quickly are simply not aware of their levels of tension or stress before an outburst of anger happens.
Speaker A:They feel like they are fine one minute and then extremely angry the next.
Speaker A:But when I break down with them what happened leading up to that incident, they can clearly see that their tension levels were high prior to the incident occurring.
Speaker A:So what can you do about this?
Speaker A:As I have mentioned, one of the first things you can do is learn to recognize the warning signs of anger building within you.
Speaker A:By doing this, you can reduce your tension levels before an outburst of anger.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:The second reason you may think you get angry fast is that anger has become a habitual response to certain situations or triggers.
Speaker A:For example, this often happens to people who grew up in a home where they witnessed or experienced a lot of anger as children.
Speaker A:For example, we learn how to react to others by watching our parents, older siblings, or other people in our lives.
Speaker A:We learn what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour from them.
Speaker A:So if you grew up around angry outbursts, it's likely that you have learned to react with anger as well.
Speaker A:The good news is that you can change this pattern of reacting.
Speaker A:This can take time, but it is possible.
Speaker A:For example, one simple way to change a habit of responding with anger is to identify the thoughts and beliefs you have about certain situations that trigger your anger.
Speaker A:Once you have identified these unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, the next step is to replace them with more helpful ones.
Speaker A:For example, if you find yourself getting angry every time someone disagrees with you, instead of thinking they are attacking me, you can reframe your thoughts to something they have a different opinion and that's okay.
Speaker A:Or they may have a point that I haven't considered.
Speaker A:Like any other skill, however, changing your thoughts and beliefs takes practice, especially if you have been reacting with anger for a long time.
Speaker A:Okay, moving on.
Speaker A:The third reason you may think you get angry so quickly is that you underestimate the speed of your brain.
Speaker A:For example, when I asked clients to describe a time when they felt their anger was went from 0 to 10 in an instant.
Speaker A:Most of them talk about an argument with a partner, a child, or even someone at work.
Speaker A:They say it felt like they were calm one moment and then suddenly shouting or saying things they regretted.
Speaker A:But when we break the situation down together, we usually discover something important.
Speaker A:The escalation didn't happen instantly.
Speaker A:Instead, it often takes several minutes, and sometimes longer, before the outburst occurred.
Speaker A:And during those minutes, their brain was working overtime, rapidly interpreting what was being said, making judgments, replaying past hurts, and piling meaning onto the situation.
Speaker A:All of this was fuelling the person's anger without them even realizing it.
Speaker A:Psychologists call this process cognitive appraisal, and it's something all of us do, whether we notice it or not.
Speaker A:To explain this, I often use the sport of tennis.
Speaker A:In professional tennis, a serve can reach speeds of over 130 miles an hour.
Speaker A:That gives the player on the other side less than 1 second to to see where the ball is going, decide how to return it, and actually make the shot.
Speaker A:And if they're skilled, they manage to do all of that in less than a second.
Speaker A:That's how fast the human brain can work.
Speaker A:Now imagine if that same player had several minutes to return the serve.
Speaker A:They could sit down on the court, stretch, maybe even chat with their coach, and then calmly return the ball.
Speaker A:Tennis would be an easy game.
Speaker A:The same is true for anger.
Speaker A:If your argument with your spouse or colleague takes several minutes to build before you explode, that means you have a lot of opportunities to make a different choice.
Speaker A:You could take a deep breath.
Speaker A:You could remind yourself that this isn't a battle to win or lose, but a chance to understand each other better.
Speaker A:You could even use humor to diffuse the tension.
Speaker A:The point is, your brain processes information incredibly quickly, and anger doesn't happen in the blink of an eye.
Speaker A:There are always steps in between, and if you can slow down and become aware of them, you can choose a calmer, more respectful response.
Speaker A:So the next time you feel like you went from zero to 10 in a flash, remember your brain is fast.
Speaker A:And no matter what is going on around you, you are still in charge.
Speaker A:With awareness and practice, you can use those precious moments to take control.
Speaker A:And over time, you'll find yourself responding in ways that are calmer, kinder, and far more effective.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Remember, the three main reasons you may think you get angry fast are a, you are not aware of the build up of your anger, B, you have learned to react with anger, and c, you underestimate the power of your own brain.
Speaker A:All of these reasons can be addressed through increased self awareness, changing your thoughts and beliefs, and understanding the power of your brain.
Speaker A:Remember too, it takes time and practice to master the skill of anger management, so be patient with yourself.
Speaker A:Don't be discouraged if you slip up or have setbacks.
Speaker A:Just keep practicing and using these tips whenever you feel yourself getting angry.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, please hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick podcast review.
Speaker A:It helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to hear today.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to take the next step in controlling your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier and healthier life.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
