Episode 150
150 - How Raymond Transformed 30 Years of Anger in Just 5 Weeks
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
What if 30 years of anger could be transformed in just five weeks?
In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares the remarkable story of Raymond, a man whose volatile temper nearly ended his marriage — until one turning point helped him change everything.
If you've ever felt like your anger is out of control, Raymond's journey will give you hope, practical tools, and a reminder that it’s never too late to change.
Key Takeaways:
-Even deeply rooted anger can be overcome — Raymond went from yelling five or six times a day to raising his voice just once in five weeks
-Understanding that you can control your anger, rather than it controlling you, is a game-changer
-Simple strategies like taking a Time-Out and not reacting immediately can prevent arguments and rebuild connection
-Anger often has deep roots in past experiences, but healing and change are still possible at any stage of life
-Online anger management programs offer the flexibility and repetition needed to reinforce lasting change
-When you manage your anger, the effects ripple through your entire life — from your marriage to your workplace to your sense of peace.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Control Your Anger in 7 Days
angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
Imagine you're 30 years into your marriage.
Speaker A:You're sitting across from the person you love most.
Speaker A:And you know that she's almost ready to walk away.
Speaker A:Not because she doesn't care, but because your anger, the shouting, the arguments and the constant tension has finally worn her down.
Speaker A:That was Raymond's reality for decades.
Speaker A:His temper controlled his home, his relationships, and even the way he saw himself.
Speaker A:Until one moment and one simple realization changed everything.
Speaker A:And here's the incredible part.
Speaker A:In just five weeks, Raymond went from yelling five or six times a day to raising his voice once.
Speaker A:Just once.
Speaker A:If you're listening today, then that says something powerful about you.
Speaker A:It means you're ready to face your anger head on.
Speaker A:And maybe even to believe that change is possible for you, too.
Speaker A:By the end of this episode, you'll hear exactly how Raymond transformed his marriage, his family, and his peace of mind.
Speaker A:And you'll discover why anger doesn't have to define you.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 150 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dues, and for over 30 years, I've taught thousands of men and women who, just like you, wanted to control their anger, take responsibility for their actions, and build calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful live training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angersecrets.com.
Speaker A:there's a link there to access that live training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:Okay, with that said, let's dive into today's episode.
Speaker A:How Raymond broke a 30 year habit of anger in just five weeks.
Speaker B:So, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker B:Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I'm 56.
Speaker C:I was having serious relationship issues due to my anger.
Speaker C:I hadn't wanted to recognize that for a long time.
Speaker C:My wife had been begging me for a long time to get help and I finally realized after an incident that I needed to do that.
Speaker C:And that's when I got in touch with you.
Speaker B:And what sort of anger issues are we talking about in the past for you?
Speaker C:It stems back to childhood.
Speaker C:I had an abusive father and I just basically, I've never actually been violent, but I'm very confrontational, an argumentative, shout a lot, just really awkward to be around and be with, quite volatile, silly little things would set me off to the point where nobody would even want to go out with me because they Never knew what was going to trigger it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I've been causing issues for you for some time.
Speaker B:What was it that led you to finally reach out to me?
Speaker C:Basically, my marriage, which will be our 31st wedding anniversary this Wednesday, was on the verge of ending.
Speaker C:I realized I needed to do something about it.
Speaker B:Okay, and so you reached out to me and you enrolled in my course.
Speaker B:What was it like studying my course?
Speaker C:Absolutely brilliant.
Speaker C:It's like a revelation just to have somebody to guide you through things that you know you're doing step by step and say to, instead of doing this, do this and listen.
Speaker C:As I mentioned to you in an email, that respectful relationship course, that was an absolute revelation.
Speaker C:And I've gone back to that time and time again and the timeout thing, just to be able to say, just.
Speaker C:And we've actually used timeout.
Speaker C:She goes away for 10 minutes, I go away for 10 minutes, we both calm down and then we come back and talk to each other.
Speaker B:It's fantastic.
Speaker B:So you've been in the course maybe five or six weeks?
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So how much change do you think you've made in those five or six weeks?
Speaker C:In those five or six weeks, from going from losing my temper five to six times a day to raising my voice once in five weeks.
Speaker B:Wow, that's a huge transformation.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:There was a confrontation between my wife and my mother in law and I stood in the middle of quite calmly and calmed it down, which beforehand.
Speaker C:No way.
Speaker C:No way.
Speaker B:And what do you reckon has been the biggest factor in terms of leading to this transformation for you?
Speaker C:I think it's your course and just explaining things and realizing what I'd been doing wrong and as you said, realizing that you can control your anger, it doesn't control you when something's thrown at me now, rather than reacting just to be able to stop and take a step back and listen to what's been said, not take it as a personal insult or a criticism and think about what you're going to say back before you say it.
Speaker B:These are quite radical changes.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:What would you say to someone who might be a bit skeptical about this?
Speaker B:Like people that might say you can't change that quickly or what would you say to that kind of person?
Speaker C:I would say that I'd been displaying that behavior for 30 years, Alistair.
Speaker C:30 years.
Speaker C:My wife was put up with that and she basically said to me, you're beyond help from me.
Speaker C:I can't help you anymore.
Speaker C:You've got to do that for yourself.
Speaker C:So if I've done this in five weeks after 30 years, anybody can do it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:Give us a little bit of background about yourself.
Speaker B:Tell us a bit about yourself.
Speaker C:So I'm married, three adult children.
Speaker C:It's my youngest birthday today.
Speaker C:Funnily enough, he's 23 today.
Speaker C:I've got a 28 year old daughter and a 30 year old son.
Speaker C:I've been married to a wife for 31 years on Wednesday.
Speaker C:I grew up with an abusive father.
Speaker C:Very loving, tentative mother.
Speaker C:I mean, I worshiped the ground she walked on.
Speaker C:I drive a lorry for a living.
Speaker C:My wife's a dog walker.
Speaker C:We've got lots of dogs running around.
Speaker C:It's just life's good.
Speaker C:Life's good.
Speaker C:The problem was me.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:And what does your wife think of your changes so far?
Speaker C:She really thinks that they're great and she's now saying that she can see hope for our relationship, for the future.
Speaker B:That's great.
Speaker B:And how do you feel about the sustainability of these changes?
Speaker B:Like, do you think you can maintain?
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker C:Yeah, I do.
Speaker C:I'm much calmer as a person.
Speaker C:Much calmer.
Speaker C:I'm much happier in myself.
Speaker C:I don't want to go back to being that person.
Speaker C:Just everybody, even work colleagues have noticed it.
Speaker C:I'm like you, so much calmer.
Speaker C:You're more level, you know, my wife, we went to the cinema.
Speaker C:We've gone out and had meal.
Speaker C:We went out for a meal in the pub one the other Sunday afternoon.
Speaker C:She wouldn't have entertained that before all this.
Speaker C:No way.
Speaker B:What would have happened in the past?
Speaker C:We just would have.
Speaker C:I'd stayed here and done the gardening or something and she'd gone off and walked with the dogs and, you know, they would go out while I was away.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Would you avoid the pub in the past?
Speaker C:I wouldn't have avoided it.
Speaker C:I would have gone, but they would have avoided going with me because they never knew what was going to trigger a reaction.
Speaker C:And it could be the stupidest little thing that I'd go off on.
Speaker C:You know, sometimes it was totally irrelevant.
Speaker C:But if I had a bad day and I was in a bad mood, anything could just, you know, somebody look at me wrong.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker C:Whereas now it's just don't care, don't care.
Speaker B:So I'm guessing your thinking has changed, right?
Speaker C:Yeah, massively.
Speaker C:Massively.
Speaker C:It's just, you know, just being able to disconnect from it and just think about it before you make that response.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Makes all the difference, right?
Speaker C:Yeah, huge difference.
Speaker B:And also for people listening to this, like, I know you've listened to the podcast before you enrolled in the course, what would you say the differences between the podcast and the course are?
Speaker C:Your podcasts, I would say, are just tiny micro bites of what you offer.
Speaker C:The course is far more detailed.
Speaker C:And then obviously the worksheets, I found them quite useful because, you know, to be able to sort of go through it and write down your thoughts and feelings and then be able to go back to them, you know, they're really brilliant.
Speaker B:Great.
Speaker B:And I know it's an online course.
Speaker B:How have you found doing an online course?
Speaker C:I found for me personally, as I said to you on the initial call, because of my job, I and the hours I worked, that for me has been brilliant because I've always struggled to sort of go to see counselors.
Speaker C:And also, as you and I both said in that call, you get all this information fired at you in an hour, and then two days later you're thinking, what did he say to me?
Speaker C:Whereas with the course, I can go back in, I can go back to that bit and I can look at it again and say, oh, yeah, that's what he said.
Speaker C:That's what I've got to do.
Speaker C:And that's brilliant.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:That's brilliant.
Speaker B:And I think I've already asked this, but what are the main changes you've made?
Speaker C:Just being able to sort of not react, not take things personally.
Speaker C:Before, I took a lot of this stuff as a personal criticism and now sort of realizing that it's not aimed at me in general just to stop and think about what's being said and then process that.
Speaker C:Think calmly.
Speaker C:Think about what you're going to say.
Speaker C:If it's not right, when you thought about what you're going to say, think about it again and then say it.
Speaker C:It's just simple stuff.
Speaker C:But when you're in that position of repeated behavior, you don't think like that.
Speaker C:You don't think logically.
Speaker C:It's all about that retaliation in the moment.
Speaker C:You said that to me.
Speaker C:And I'm going to say this, and it's.
Speaker C:It's not right.
Speaker C:It's not good.
Speaker B:Yeah, it's not.
Speaker C:But nearly cost me everything.
Speaker B:Nearly cost you everything.
Speaker B:It's a powerful statement.
Speaker B:And I always say to people, like, anger management's not as difficult as most people think.
Speaker B:Would you agree with that?
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker C:Like I say, you control your anger.
Speaker C:It doesn't control you.
Speaker B:Great.
Speaker B:And for you, it sounds like you've changed 30 years of quite deeply ingrained behavior.
Speaker C:Massively.
Speaker C:Absolutely massively.
Speaker C:Like before I said, you just know in five Weeks.
Speaker C:I've raised my voice once before.
Speaker C:If it said to me, you're raising your voice, I'd have flipped my lid.
Speaker C:Absolutely gone ballistic.
Speaker C:I'm not shouting at you.
Speaker C:The other night, she said to me, you're raising your voice.
Speaker C:Stop what I was doing.
Speaker C:Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it back down.
Speaker C:We'll start again.
Speaker B:Great.
Speaker B:That's so impressive.
Speaker B:Anything else you'd like to say before we finish?
Speaker C:No, I don't think so.
Speaker C:I think just Anybody that's got any doubts, sign up.
Speaker C:Do it.
Speaker C:It's well worth it.
Speaker C:You won't regret it.
Speaker C:I haven't.
Speaker C:I certainly haven't.
Speaker C:And I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anybody I knew was in the same situation.
Speaker A:Okay, so what can we take from Raymond's story?
Speaker A:Firstly, know that it is absolutely possible that 30 years of anger can be changed in just five weeks.
Speaker A:Know that, too.
Speaker A:Even if your marriage feels like it's hanging by a thread, there is still hope.
Speaker A:And most importantly, know that anger doesn't control you.
Speaker A:You can control it.
Speaker A:So if you've been listening today, I want to acknowledge your courage.
Speaker A:Because facing anger isn't easy.
Speaker A:But by showing up here, you've already taken the first step towards change.
Speaker A:And if Raymond's journey has shown us anything, it's don't have to stay stuck in the anger cycle.
Speaker A:You don't have to keep living with regret, shame or silence.
Speaker A:You can make a different choice, starting now.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to take that next step, head over to angersecrets.com you'll find free resources, a live training, and my full the Complete Anger Management system.
Speaker A:The same system Richard used to transform his life and his marriage.
Speaker A:I hope to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:OK, that's it for today's episode, Breaking 30 Years of Anger in Just Five Weeks.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick review.
Speaker A:It helps others find the podcast, and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to hear today.
Speaker A:Also, don't forget to share this episode with a friend or loved one who might benefit from it.
Speaker A:Together, we can create a calmer, happier world and help each other grow.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to get serious about changing how you show up in your relationship, take a look at the Complete Anger management system@AngerSecrets.com course.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control what other people say or do, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:And that's where your real power lives.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker A:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker A:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker A:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
