Episode 143
143 - The Key to Controlling Your Anger
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Have you ever snapped at someone you love — and immediately regretted it?
In today’s powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals what he considers the missing key to managing anger. This simple yet essential shift has helped thousands of people break the cycle of outbursts, regret, and disconnection — and it could do the same for you.
Key Takeaways:
- Awareness is the foundation of anger control; without it, change is impossible.
- Recognising early warning signs of anger can help interrupt the cycle before it escalates.
- Anger is normal, but it can be damaging when it controls your reactions to situations.
- Learning to pause and reflect on feelings can significantly improve relationships and personal peace.
- The journey to managing anger requires practice and patience, and it won't happen overnight.
- Everyone has the power to take back control over their emotions with consistent effort.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Let me ask you something.
Speaker A:Have you ever found yourself snapping at your partner, your kids, or a colleague, and then just moments later thinking, why did I do that?
Speaker A:You didn't want to get angry.
Speaker A:You didn't plan to explode.
Speaker A:But in the heat of the moment, it was like something took over.
Speaker A:And now you're left with the guilt, the regret, and the damage to clean up.
Speaker A:If that's ever been you, I want you to know two things.
Speaker A:First, you are not alone.
Speaker A:And second, there is one simple key that can change everything.
Speaker A:Today, I'm going to share what I consider to be the missing key to managing anger.
Speaker A:Something so essential that without it, no other anger strategy really works.
Speaker A:Once you understand this key, you'll begin to see your reactions and your power to change them in a whole new light.
Speaker A:Hi there, I'm Alastair Dewes, and you're listening to episode 143 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:If you're new here, welcome.
Speaker A:And if you've been tuning in for a while, I'm really glad you're back.
Speaker A:For over 30 years, I've helped more than 15,000 people control their anger, master their emotions, and build relationships that actually feel good again.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to control your anger, including a free training on how to control your anger in just seven days, head over to my website angersecrets.com there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:With that said, let's dive into today's episode, the key to controlling your anger.
Speaker A:Let's begin with something important.
Speaker A:Anger is normal.
Speaker A:It's a natural human emotion and one we all experience.
Speaker A:But when anger takes control of you, when it becomes your default response to stress, frustration or conflict, it starts doing real damage.
Speaker A:It harms your relationships, it eats away at your confidence, it impacts your health, and worst of all, it can make you feel like we're stuck in a cycle.
Speaker A:We don't know how to escape.
Speaker A:And that's exactly why learning to manage your anger is one of the most life changing skills you can develop.
Speaker A:Now, without further ado, here's the key to anger management and the key most people miss.
Speaker A:The foundation of all anger control is awareness.
Speaker A:I know that might sound simple, but I promise you, it's incredibly powerful.
Speaker A:Let me show you what I mean.
Speaker A:Imagine you're in the middle of an argument with your partner.
Speaker A:You feel yourself getting Frustrated, your heart starts to race, your voice gets louder, maybe your fists clench or your jaw tightens.
Speaker A:If you're not aware of what's happening inside you in that moment, you'll stay on autopilot.
Speaker A:And autopilot almost always leads to an outburst.
Speaker A:But if you are aware, even just for a moment, that you're getting angry, if you can notice your heart racing or your tension building or your thoughts speeding up, then suddenly you have a choice.
Speaker A:And that choice changes everything.
Speaker A:Now let me say it this way, because it's worth repeating.
Speaker A:If you're not aware that you're getting angry, you simply can't change your actions.
Speaker A:But if you are aware that you're getting angry, there are many things you can do to change how you react to others.
Speaker A:Now, this is the starting point for real transformation.
Speaker A:But many clients ask Alistair, I understand this, but how can I tell when I'm getting angry before it's too late?
Speaker A:My answer is always the Learn to recognize your early warning signs of anger.
Speaker A:These are the physical, emotional, mental and behavioural clues that your anger is building.
Speaker A:For example, your heart may be pounding, your muscles tense up, you feel an urge to shout, or racing thoughts or shallow breathing, or a story in your head that says they're not listening to me or I have to win this.
Speaker A:These signs are your body's way of saying something's happening.
Speaker A:Pay attention.
Speaker A:When you know what to look for, you can interrupt the anger cycle before it takes over.
Speaker A:This is exactly what I teach inside my anger management programs.
Speaker A:How to become more aware of your anger before it becomes explosive.
Speaker A:And how to respond in ways that are calm, respectful and strong.
Speaker A:If you'd like to learn more about how to do that, I'd love to speak with you.
Speaker A:Just head to angersecrets.com and book a free 30 minute assessment call with me.
Speaker A:But first I want to share the stories I of three men who learned to apply this idea in their own lives and changed everything.
Speaker A:Dan is a father of two who joined the complete anger management system a few months ago.
Speaker A:Here's what he told me after completing the course.
Speaker A:The biggest change I've made is that I'm fully aware of my behaviour now.
Speaker A:I can recognise the early signs of my anger and I can pause.
Speaker A:I feel it rising, but now I don't let it take over.
Speaker A:And I learned to do this in just a week or two.
Speaker A:That awareness, it's been a huge change for me.
Speaker A:Kyle, another recent client said, I never realized how important awareness was until I started working with you.
Speaker A:Now, when I feel myself getting angry.
Speaker A:I pause.
Speaker A:I ask myself, why am I feeling this way?
Speaker A:That one pause has changed so much in my relationships.
Speaker A:I'm more present, I'm more patient, and I feel proud of how I'm showing up.
Speaker A:And then there's Ross, a 42 year old man who grew up in a home filled with anger and violence.
Speaker A:He told me my dad had a terrible temper.
Speaker A:That's the environment I grew up in.
Speaker A:And without realizing it, I carried that into my own family.
Speaker A:My wife was the one who finally told me, you've got to look at your anger.
Speaker A:I felt so guilty when I realized what I'd been putting them through.
Speaker A:But awareness was the beginning.
Speaker A:That was the moment I started to change.
Speaker A:These men didn't change overnight.
Speaker A:But they all had one thing in common.
Speaker A:They learned to notice their anger.
Speaker A:And in doing so, they took back control.
Speaker A:And you can too.
Speaker A:Awareness really is the missing key to anger management.
Speaker A:Once you find it, everything starts to open up.
Speaker A:The space to pause, the power to choose, and the chance to build the kind of relationships you truly want.
Speaker A:So if this episode resonated with you, or if you're ready to stop reacting and start responding, please visit angersecrets.com book a free 30 minute call with me.
Speaker A:I'll help you take the next step.
Speaker A:Because no matter how long anger has been running your life, it's never too late to take back control.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:The key to controlling your anger.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick review.
Speaker A:It helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact nudge someone else needs right now.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want a free training on how to control your anger in seven days or a chance to chat one on one with me, just head over to angersecrets.com there's a free 30 minute call you can book, no pressure.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to get serious about changing how you show up in your relationship, take a look at the complete anger management system@AngerSecrets.com course I'd love to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control what other people say or do, but you can control yourself, your tone, your choices, and how you respond to others.
Speaker A:And that's where your real power lives.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.