Episode 142
142 - What Has Anger Cost You So Far?
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
What has your anger really cost you?
Your peace of mind? A relationship that mattered? Your child’s trust — or your own self-respect?
In this powerful episode, Alastair Duhs invites you to take an honest look at the true cost of anger — not with judgment, but with compassion. He shares real client stories, including Richard, whose marriage collapsed under the weight of unresolved anger, and Jason and Josh, two men who learned to reclaim their calm and their connections by finally understanding one essential truth:
Anger doesn’t work. It never has.
This episode is your call to take back control — not through force, but through awareness, choice, and change.
Key Takeaways:
- Anger does not solve problems; it often makes them worse for everyone involved.
- Many people mistakenly believe that anger gives them control in difficult situations.
- Realising that anger is a trap can lead to better emotional health and relationships.
- The first step to overcoming anger is recognising its negative impact on one's life.
- Choosing to respond differently instead of reacting with anger can change everything.
- Understanding that anger isolates us can help reclaim personal power and control.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Let me ask you something.
Speaker A:Think back to the last time you got angry, really angry.
Speaker A:Maybe your partner said something that hit a nerve.
Speaker A:Maybe your kid was acting out.
Speaker A:Maybe a stranger cut you off in traffic and it just lit the fuse.
Speaker A:Now ask yourself, what did that anger actually get you?
Speaker A:Did it fix the problem?
Speaker A:Did it make you feel more respected, more connected?
Speaker A:Or more in control?
Speaker A:Or did it leave you with regret, maybe shame, maybe even silence from someone you love?
Speaker A:If you're here listening to this today, it tells me that you're ready to face this.
Speaker A:You're ready to face the truth.
Speaker A:Not with judgment, but with honesty.
Speaker A:Because here's something most people never hear until it's too late.
Speaker A:Anger doesn't work.
Speaker A:It never has.
Speaker A:And once you really understand that, not just in your head, but in your bones, it changes everything.
Speaker A:Hi there.
Speaker A:I'm Alastair Dewes, and you're listening to episode 142 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:If you're new here, welcome.
Speaker A:And if you've been tuning in for a while, I'm really glad you're back.
Speaker A:For over 30 years, I.
Speaker A:I've helped more than 15,000 people control their anger, master their emotions, and build relationships that actually feel good again.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to control your anger, including a free training on how to control your anger in just seven days, head over to my website, angersecrets.com.
Speaker A:there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat personally with me as well about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:With that said, let's dive into today's episode, what has Anger Cost yout so Far?
Speaker A:To begin with, let's dive into this one simple idea, one that has changed the lives of thousands of people.
Speaker A:Anger doesn't solve anything.
Speaker A:It only makes issues worse.
Speaker A:Now, I know that might sound obvious on the surface, but in reality, it's one of the most misunderstood emotional truths out there.
Speaker A:Most people still believe deep down that anger gives them control.
Speaker A:That if they get loud enough, strong enough, intense enough, people will listen or back down or respect them.
Speaker A:But that's a myth.
Speaker A:Because here's what really anger clouds your thinking.
Speaker A:It disconnects you from the people you care about, and it almost always leads to outcomes you don't want.
Speaker A:In fact, you might feel powerful in the moment, but after that moment passes, what are you left with?
Speaker A:Tension, distance.
Speaker A:Regret.
Speaker A:A partner who is scared of you, A child who starts walking on eggshells a colleague who avoids you, and a voice in your own head whispering, I messed up again.
Speaker A:Let me tell you about Richard.
Speaker A:I worked with Richard years ago.
Speaker A:He was in his early 40s, married for 10 years and completely blindsided when his wife Tanya left him.
Speaker A:He told me he'd tried everything to control his anger.
Speaker A:He said nothing worked.
Speaker A:In fact, he said the harder he tried, the more out of control he felt.
Speaker A:So I asked him one simple Richard, in all the years you've been getting angry, has anger ever actually helped you?
Speaker A:He paused, thought, and said quietly, I don't think so.
Speaker A:Then I asked, how does being angry make you feel?
Speaker A:Richard looked down.
Speaker A:It makes me feel out of control, he said.
Speaker A:I hate that feeling because I know I'll regret it.
Speaker A:I always feel so guilty afterward.
Speaker A:That was Richard's turning point.
Speaker A:For the first time in his life, he understood that anger wasn't strength.
Speaker A:It was a trap.
Speaker A:A trap that had cost him his marriage.
Speaker A:A trap that had stolen years of connection from the people he loved.
Speaker A:That realization didn't solve everything, but it opened the door.
Speaker A:It gave him the reason he needed to finally change.
Speaker A:So I'll ask you, what has anger cost you so far?
Speaker A:Perhaps your peace of mind, your relationship, your child's trust.
Speaker A:The version of yourself you used to be proud of.
Speaker A:If that hits close to home, then here's the good news.
Speaker A:You can choose something different, starting now.
Speaker A:You are not your anger, you are not your worst moment, and you are not stuck.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter how long you've struggled or how many times you've slipped up.
Speaker A:You can break the anger cycle, but it starts with a decision.
Speaker A:A decision to stop doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
Speaker A:As Albert Einstein said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Speaker A:And if getting angry hasn't worked yet, it won't start working now.
Speaker A:Jason, one of my recent clients, said the same thing to me.
Speaker A:One of the first things you said in the course was that anger doesn't work, he said to me.
Speaker A:And that hit me because I realised it never actually helped anything.
Speaker A:So instead of reacting with anger, Jason started asking questions.
Speaker A:He started listening.
Speaker A:He started understanding where the other person was coming from.
Speaker A:And guess what?
Speaker A:Everything changed.
Speaker A:Another client, Josh, a father of two, told me, I always knew I had an anger issue, but I didn't realize anger was weakness, not strength.
Speaker A:Now I take a step back instead of lashing out.
Speaker A:And my relationships have never been better.
Speaker A:So what about you?
Speaker A:What could your life look like?
Speaker A:Your relationships, your self respect, your peace if you stopped letting anger run the show.
Speaker A:It's possible and I can help.
Speaker A:Visit angersecrets.com to book your free anger assessment call.
Speaker A:Let's talk.
Speaker A:Let's find a better way forward together.
Speaker A:And remember, anger might feel like it helps you, but it doesn't.
Speaker A:It isolates you.
Speaker A:Anger might feel like control, but it takes control away.
Speaker A:So today, take it back.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:What Has Anger Cost yout so Far?
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick review.
Speaker A:It helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact nudge someone else needs right now.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want a free training on how to control your anger in seven days or a chance to chat one on one with me, just head over to angersecrets.com there's a free 30 minute call you can book.
Speaker A:No pressure.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to get serious about changing how you show up in your relationship, take a look at the complete anger management system@AngerSecrets.com course.
Speaker A:I'd love to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control what other people say or do, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:Your tone, your choices, and how you respond to others.
Speaker A:And that's where your real power lives.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.