Episode 133
133 - How to Turn Anger Into Compassion — And Change Everything
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Compassion can be a game changer when it comes to managing anger.
In this episode, anger management expert Alastair Duhs shares a powerful story about a man named James, who almost let his rage take over in a hospital parking lot. But instead of acting on his anger, James had a moment of realisation that completely shifted his perspective.
Understanding what others might be going through can help calm the storm of anger. By asking oneself what might be happening for someone else, you can create better responses and stronger relationships.
Listen to learn how compassion is a key tool to transform anger into understanding.
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding that anger often stems from misunderstanding situations can help immensely.
- Compassion is a powerful tool that can transform anger into understanding and calmness.
- When anger rises, pause and consider what the other person might be going through.
- Assuming the worst in others can lead to explosive anger and regrettable actions.
- Recognising that everyone has their struggles can help you respond with compassion instead of anger.
- Choosing to respond with empathy rather than reacting in anger can save relationships.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Have you ever felt like you were so close to losing it, only to find out later you got it all wrong?
Speaker A:Maybe someone cut you off in traffic or said something that hit a nerve and before you knew it, you were angry, fired up, reacting.
Speaker A:And then you find out the full story and suddenly you completely misread the situation.
Speaker A:You feel like a bit of a fool.
Speaker A:If that's ever happened to you, you're not alone.
Speaker A:Today I want to share something that might just completely flip your perspective on anger.
Speaker A:It's a simple shift, but one that can change everything.
Speaker A:Today, we're talking about compassion.
Speaker A:Not in a soft, fluffy way, but as a powerful tool that can stop anger dead in its tracks.
Speaker A:And I'll show you exactly what I mean through the story of a man I worked with, a guy who nearly got into a fight in a hospital parking lot, and how one sentence from a total stranger completely changed him.
Speaker A:Hi there.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 133 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Alistair Dews, and For the past 30 years, I've helped over 15,000 people learn how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:Every week on this podcast, I share the same tools and stories I use with my private clients, including real practical strategies that actually work.
Speaker A:However, if you want more support to control your anger, head over to angersecrets.com you'll find a powerful free training there, plus the option to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me.
Speaker A:I'd love to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Okay, let's get into today's episode, how to turn anger into compassion and change everything.
Speaker A:Let's start with a story about James.
Speaker A:Now, as always, James isn't his real name, but this story is very real.
Speaker A:James was the kind of guy people admired.
Speaker A:Smart, successful, well spoken.
Speaker A:But behind closed doors, this was a different story.
Speaker A:James's temper was a ticking time bomb.
Speaker A:His wife had had enough.
Speaker A:His kids tiptoed around him at work, People avoided him just in case he blew up.
Speaker A:And the thing is, James knew he had an anger problem.
Speaker A:But like a lot of people, he kept justifying it by saying things like, I'm just passionate, or if people didn't do stupid things, I wouldn't get angry.
Speaker A:That kind of stuff.
Speaker A:Then came the night everything changed.
Speaker A:James was driving home late at night.
Speaker A:No traffic on the roads.
Speaker A:He had music on, windows wound right down, and he was actually feeling relaxed for once.
Speaker A:And then it happened.
Speaker A:Out of nowhere, a car came flying past him, swerving between lanes.
Speaker A:Like a maniac.
Speaker A:And just like that.
Speaker A:Boom.
Speaker A:Rage.
Speaker A:James slammed down his accelerator.
Speaker A:He started tailgating the car, honking his horn and flashing his lights.
Speaker A:He totally locked in on this car like it was the enemy.
Speaker A:He told me later.
Speaker A:I was fully going to punch the guy out when he stopped.
Speaker A:And knowing James, I believed him.
Speaker A:Eventually, the car pulled into a hospital parking lot.
Speaker A:James followed.
Speaker A:He jumped out, fists clenched, heart racing.
Speaker A:But as he got closer, he saw her.
Speaker A:It wasn't a reckless young guy.
Speaker A:It was a woman.
Speaker A:Pregnant, terrified, in terrible pain.
Speaker A:She looked up at James and gasped.
Speaker A:Stop.
Speaker A:Please don't hurt me.
Speaker A:James just stood there, frozen.
Speaker A:In that moment, all the anger drained out of him and it hit him like a truck.
Speaker A:He could have seriously hurt someone.
Speaker A:He almost did.
Speaker A:And all because he assumed the worst.
Speaker A:That moment right there is when something changed for James.
Speaker A:I've seen it happen.
Speaker A:For a lot of people, it's like a switch flips in their mind.
Speaker A:Suddenly, they begin to question all their assumptions and judgments, realising that things may not always be as they seem.
Speaker A:Because here's the thing most people don't think about.
Speaker A:You never really know what someone else is going through.
Speaker A:That person who snaps at you at work, maybe they're exhausted or grieving or barely hanging on.
Speaker A:The person who cuts you off in traffic, maybe they're racing to the hospital.
Speaker A:Maybe they just got devastating news.
Speaker A:You just don't know.
Speaker A:But here's what I do know.
Speaker A:When you assume the worst, your anger explodes.
Speaker A:When you assume someone's struggling, though, that's where compassion kicks in.
Speaker A:Now, this doesn't mean letting people treat you like a doormat.
Speaker A:Compassion isn't weakness, its strength.
Speaker A:It's choosing to respond instead of react.
Speaker A:It's recognizing that, just like you, other people are dealing with their own stuff.
Speaker A:And the moment you remember that, you give yourself a chance to pause, a chance to breathe, a chance to not make things worse.
Speaker A:There's a quote I love from the Dalai Lama.
Speaker A:He said, our prime purpose in this life is to help others.
Speaker A:And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.
Speaker A:Simple, powerful and spot on.
Speaker A:So here's what I want you to try.
Speaker A:Next time you feel anger rising, whether it's with your partner, your kids or a stranger on the road, just stop, breathe, and quietly ask yourself what might be going on for them right now.
Speaker A:That one question can change everything.
Speaker A:It can soften your tone.
Speaker A:It can shift your perspective.
Speaker A:It can stop a fight.
Speaker A:And it can lead to more understanding and compassion.
Speaker A:It might even save your marriage or your life.
Speaker A:And this is not about excusing bad behaviour, it's about choosing a better response.
Speaker A:Ok, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:If this episode helped you, it would mean a lot to me.
Speaker A:If you hit follow and leave a quick review in your favourite podcast app.
Speaker A:It helps other people find this show and might just be the thing that helps someone else take back control of their life.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want free support, training or a free one on one call to see if I can help you control your anger, Visit my website angersecrets.com and if you're ready to dive deeper and finally get your anger under control for good, head to angercrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:Finally, I'll leave you with can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:And that, more than anything, is where your power is.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
