Episode 132
132 - How To Stop Anger Before It Starts
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Sometimes, it takes just one angry outburst to hurt someone you love or to do unrepairable relationship damage. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs dives into how to stop anger before it escalates.
Learn five simple strategies to stay calm and grounded when emotions run high. By utilising these strategies, you can prevent anger before it starts and protect your relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- Just one angry moment can hurt someone you love and escalate small issues into big ones.
- Recognising your Early Warning Signs of anger gives you more control over your reactions.
- Taking a Time-Out can help de-escalate anger and is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Focusing on your breathing can calm your body during moments of rising anger, helping you reset.
- Reframing situations allows you to interpret events differently and maintain your emotional control.
- Thinking through the consequences of your anger can help you avoid regret and move toward desired outcomes.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Sometimes all it takes is one angry outburst, one moment of yelling, one slammed door, one comment you can't take back, and suddenly someone you love is hurt or a tiny issue turns into something way bigger than it needed to be.
Speaker A:And the worst part?
Speaker A:It keeps happening.
Speaker A:You don't want to lose it.
Speaker A:You didn't mean to explode, but there you are again, tense, frustrated, raising your voice and watching the damage unfold in real time.
Speaker A:So how do you stop it?
Speaker A:How do you calm yourself down before your anger takes over and ruins another moment, another conversation, another relationship?
Speaker A:That's what we're talking about today.
Speaker A:In this episode, I'm going to walk you through five simple, powerful strategies you can use immediately, even in your most stressful, high stakes moments to keep calm, stay grounded and protect what matters most.
Speaker A:These are the same tools I've taught thousands of men and women over the years.
Speaker A:And I know they can work for you too.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 132 of the Anger Secrets Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years now I've been helping men and women just like you learn how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, more respectful and more connected relationships.
Speaker A:On this podcast, I share the exact tools and strategies I've used with over 15,000 clients to help them take back control of their anger and live with more peace, confidence and clarity.
Speaker A:If you'd like some free support on your anger journey, including access to my free training or the chance to book a 30 minute anger assessment, call with me.
Speaker A:Just head to my website angersecrets.com alright, let's get into it.
Speaker A:Today's episode is all about what to do in the heat of the moment when you feel that tension rising and you know you're just one step away from saying or doing something you'll regret.
Speaker A:Let's walk through five proven strategies to stay calm when you feel like you're about to explode.
Speaker A:Spot your early warning signs.
Speaker A:You've probably heard me talk about this before, but it's worth repeating.
Speaker A:Anger doesn't usually come out of nowhere.
Speaker A:There are always warning signs physical, emotional, and even mental that show up beforehand.
Speaker A:You've just got to learn to spot them.
Speaker A:For me personally, it's a tight chest and clenched jaw.
Speaker A:For others, it might be snapping at small things, raising your voice, or feeling hot or restless.
Speaker A:The earlier you notice these warning signs, the more control you have over what comes next, so start paying attention.
Speaker A:What does it feel like in your body and mind right before you lose it?
Speaker A:Once you Know your own warning signs.
Speaker A:You can start responding sooner before the anger hits full force.
Speaker A:Take a time out now.
Speaker A:I know this one sounds simple, but it's often the hardest to do in the moment.
Speaker A:Taking a time out isn't about avoiding the problem.
Speaker A:It's about giving yourself and the other person space to de escalate.
Speaker A:Some people think that taking a break makes them look weak or like they didn't care, but in many cases, it is actually one of the most respectful and powerful things you can do.
Speaker A:In episode 31, I walk through exactly how to take a time out that works.
Speaker A:If you haven't listened to that one yet, it's worth going back.
Speaker A:Even something as simple as saying I need 10 minutes to clear my head so I can come back and talk about this properly can change the whole direction of a conversation.
Speaker A:Focus on your breathing.
Speaker A:It sounds cliche, I know, but when anger is rising, your breath is your anchor.
Speaker A:When your body is in fight or flight mode, your breathing gets shallow and fast, and that ramps up the anger even more.
Speaker A:So here's what I recommend.
Speaker A:Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth.
Speaker A:Do that a few times.
Speaker A:You don't need to make it complicated, just get your body out of emergency mode.
Speaker A:You'll be amazed how quickly this simple step can help you reset and think more clearly.
Speaker A:Reframe what's happening Here's a powerful Anger isn't just about what's happening, it's about how you're interpreting what's happening.
Speaker A:For example, your thoughts shape your emotional response, and when you're angry, those thoughts often become distorted.
Speaker A:So here's what I want you to try.
Speaker A:Reframe the situation.
Speaker A:Let's say you're arguing with your partner.
Speaker A:Instead of thinking, they never listen to me, try asking, what are they feeling right now?
Speaker A:Or someone cuts you off in traffic.
Speaker A:Instead of going straight to what an idiot, try maybe they're rushing to an emergency.
Speaker A:This isn't about letting people off the hook, it's about staying in control.
Speaker A:Think about the consequences.
Speaker A:Last strategy, and it's powerful.
Speaker A:When you feel like you're about to blow up, ask yourself one simple Will this response help me get what I really want?
Speaker A:Because here's what I Anger doesn't get you what you want, it pushes it further away.
Speaker A:If you want respect, love, peace, understanding, anger almost always gets in the way.
Speaker A:I've had clients who used to yell at their kids, trying to get them to listen.
Speaker A:But what they really wanted was connection and yelling only created distance.
Speaker A:So next time you feel that heat rising pause, ask yourself, is this going to move me toward the outcome I want or away from it?
Speaker A:That single pause can save you from a mountain of regret.
Speaker A:So there you have it.
Speaker A:5 Go to strategies to help you stay calm even when you're about to explode these strategies Strategy 1 Recognize your early warning signs of anger.
Speaker A:Take a timeout before things go too far.
Speaker A:Strategy 3 Focus on your breathing to calm your body.
Speaker A:Reframe the situation and shift your thoughts.
Speaker A:Strategy 5 Think through the consequences before you act.
Speaker A:These are simple tools, but they're powerful and when you practice them consistently, you'll find that you don't lose it as often.
Speaker A:And even when you do feel the anger coming on, you'll be able to step back, reset and handle things better.
Speaker A:Alright, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:If this helped you, please follow the podcast and leave a quick review on your favourite app.
Speaker A:It helps more people find this show and start getting control over their own anger too.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want more support, head over to my website angersecrets.com there's free training there and if you'd like to talk one on one, you can book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to go deeper and get serious about change, check out angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:Thanks for spending this time with me today.
Speaker A:And remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
