Episode 124
124 - 5 Listening Hacks That Will Transform Your Relationship
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Do conversations with your partner often turn into a mess of frustration? It’s a common issue, and it can really hurt relationships. Poor listening habits erode trust and create resentment. But what if small changes could fix that?
In this episode, host Alastair Duhs shares five practical tips to help anyone become a better listener. These tips are designed to improve communication and build respect and understanding in relationships. By practicing these skills, you can create a calmer, happier and more loving relationship.
Key Takeaways:
- Conversations with loved ones can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, which is common and fixable.
- Listening poorly can hurt relationships by creating distrust and resentment over time.
- Three key changes in communication can help in resolving conflicts and building respect.
- Daily check-ins can transform a relationship by ensuring both partners feel heard and valued.
- Open-mindedness in conversations allows for better understanding and connection between partners.
- Avoiding giving unsolicited advice can improve listening and strengthen emotional connections.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Do conversations with your partner often end in frustration or misunderstandings?
Speaker A:Do you catch yourself interrupting, getting defensive, or jumping in to fix the problem instead of just listening?
Speaker A:If so, you're not alone and it could cost you more than you realise.
Speaker A:Poor listening habits don't just create friction, they erode trust, fuel resentment, and slowly chip away at the connection you share with the people you care about most.
Speaker A:But what if you could change all of that?
Speaker A:What if by making a few small changes, you could defuse conflicts before they start, make your partner feel genuinely heard, and build a relationship grounded in respect and understanding?
Speaker A:In today's episode, I'll share five practical game changing tips to help you listen with empathy, stay present and truly understand the people you care about.
Speaker A:These aren't just communication hacks, they're tools to transform your conversations and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 124 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alastair Dues, and over the last 30 years I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.
Speaker A:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angasecrets.com I'd be honored to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Now let's jump into today's episode 5 tips to become a Better Listener let's start with tip one.
Speaker A:Focus on the speaker.
Speaker A:Being a good listener isn't just about hearing words.
Speaker A:It takes focus and effort.
Speaker A:So the first step to becoming a better listener is to really focus on the person speaking.
Speaker A:That means putting your phone down, turning off the TV and giving them your undivided attention.
Speaker A:Think about it.
Speaker A:How often do you get distracted during conversations?
Speaker A:It's easy to let your mind wander, but giving someone your full attention shows them that you're present, engaged and genuinely interested in what they're saying.
Speaker A:One of my favorite exercises for this is the daily check in.
Speaker A:It's simple but incredibly effective.
Speaker A:I recommend that couples set aside 20 minutes daily to talk and truly listen to each other.
Speaker A:No distractions, no interruptions, just pure connection.
Speaker A:I've seen this exercise transform relationships.
Speaker A:In fact, I talked about daily check ins in more detail in the previous episode of this podcast.
Speaker A:So check that out if you want to dive deeper.
Speaker A:But here's the thing making this a daily habit isn't just about listening, it's about showing your partner that they matter.
Speaker A:Tip 2 is all about being open Minded for many people, this can be tricky because it requires letting go of the need to be right.
Speaker A:So let me ask you have you ever been in a conversation where you were waiting for your turn to prove your point?
Speaker A:If we're being honest, we've all been there.
Speaker A:But to be a truly great listener, you must accept that there can be more than one right solution to any issue.
Speaker A:For example, if your partner shares their perspective about a problem between you, try to suspend your judgment and listen to what they're saying.
Speaker A:It's incredible how often you'll learn something new, something you never considered before.
Speaker A:And here's the no matter how well you think you know someone, there's always something to learn.
Speaker A:By being open minded, you're letting your partner know that you respect them, care about what they have to say, and are willing to find a solution together.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Tip three to be a Better listener is not to Give Advice this one can be tough.
Speaker A:Men in particular fall into this trap a lot.
Speaker A:But let me ask you how many times have you tried to fix a problem when someone just wanted you to listen?
Speaker A:It feels natural, right?
Speaker A:You want to help, but here's the Giving advice is often a barrier to effective listening.
Speaker A:Instead of jumping in with solutions, focus on understanding and empathising with what the other person is feeling.
Speaker A:You can do this by repeating back what they've said, summarizing their words, or simply acknowledging their emotions.
Speaker A:For example, you could say, I can see why that made you feel frustrated.
Speaker A:Or it sounds like that was a really difficult experience for you.
Speaker A:Simple, right?
Speaker A:But incredibly powerful.
Speaker A:By doing this, you're not just hearing their words, you're connecting with their emotions.
Speaker A:And sometimes that's all people need.
Speaker A:Moving on.
Speaker A:Tip four for being a better listener is one of my favorites.
Speaker A:Ask Open Ended Questions Open ended questions can't be answered with a simple yes or no.
Speaker A:When you ask these types of questions, it allows the other person to expand and share more about their thoughts and feelings.
Speaker A:This helps you better understand their perspective and shows them that you're genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Speaker A:For example, if you're talking to your partner about their day, you could ask, what was the highlight of your day?
Speaker A:What was the most challenging part of today?
Speaker A:Or how did that situation make you feel?
Speaker A:These questions open up the conversation and show that you want to know more rather than just wanting a simple response.
Speaker A:Finally, Tip five is to listen without interrupting.
Speaker A:I know it sounds obvious, but it's more complicated than it seems.
Speaker A:For example, have you ever caught yourself finishing someone's sentence because you knew what they would say?
Speaker A:We've all done it.
Speaker A:But here's the thing.
Speaker A:Interrupting isn't just rude, it breaks the flow of the conversation and makes the other person feel unheard.
Speaker A:To be a better listener, give the speaker space to express themselves fully.
Speaker A:Let them finish their thoughts before you jump in.
Speaker A:And even if you think you know where they're going with their story, resist the urge to cut in.
Speaker A:Instead, pause for a moment after they're done speaking.
Speaker A:Reflect on what they said, then respond.
Speaker A:This tiny change can make a huge difference in connecting with others.
Speaker A:It shows respect, patience and genuine interest.
Speaker A:By practicing these five tips, you can become a much better listener.
Speaker A:Over the years, I've worked with thousands of couples and seen firsthand how mastering the art of good listening can help you avoid arguments, increase understanding, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:And like anything else, it's not about perfection, it's about progress.
Speaker A:Okay, that's all for today's episode on Becoming a Better Listener.
Speaker A:I hope you found these tips helpful and that you'll incorporate them into your daily life.
Speaker A:Remember, good listening takes practice, but it's worth it.
Speaker A:Being present, open minded and genuinely interested in others strengthens your relationships and creates deeper connections.
Speaker A:If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast, Head to your favourite podcast app and leave a rating and review.
Speaker A:This helps other people struggling with anger to find and benefit from this show.
Speaker A:Remember, for free support on your anger management journey, including free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me, visit my website angasecrets.com or if if you would like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
