Episode 115
115 - How Forgiveness Can Change Your Life
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for healing and personal growth. Letting go of anger and resentment not only frees others but also liberates yourself.
In this episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, host Alastair Duhs explores the profound impact of holding onto past hurts and offers seven actionable tips to help listeners navigate the challenging journey of forgiveness.
From understanding the burden of anger to practicing empathy and communicating feelings, each tip is designed to empower you to reclaim your emotional well-being.
With practical insights drawn from over 30 years of experience, this episode aims to motivate and inspire you to take control of your emotions and transform your relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- Holding onto anger is like drinking poison; it harms you more than anyone else.
- Forgiveness is a choice that can lead to profound personal healing and growth.
- Practicing empathy allows you to understand the motivations behind hurtful actions.
- Letting go of the need for revenge opens the door to healing and personal freedom.
- Communicating your feelings can help release the weight of bottled-up emotions.
- Focusing on the present empowers you to create a better future for yourself.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Let me ask you something.
Alister Dewes:Have you ever been so hurt, betrayed or wronged by someone that you can still feel the sting of it like it happened yesterday?
Alister Dewes:Maybe it's an ex partner who broke your trust, a boss who mistreated you, or a friend who turned their back on you when you needed them the most.
Alister Dewes:Whatever the situation, I'm sure we can all relate to the feeling of being hurt by someone when care about.
Alister Dewes:It's a natural part of being human.
Alister Dewes:When we experience this pain, our first instinct is often to hold onto it, to carry it like a badge of honour and use it as justification for our anger, resentment or even revenge.
Alister Dewes:But what if I told you that holding on to this anger hurts you more than anyone else?
Alister Dewes:In fact, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Alister Dewes:It eats away at your happiness, your health and your relationships.
Alister Dewes:In this episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, I'll share seven powerful tips to help you let go of past hurts and forgive others even when it feels impossible.
Alister Dewes:I'll also discuss why forgiveness is one of the most life changing gifts you can give yourself and how it can transform your relationships and your future.
Alister Dewes:If you're ready to let go of the anger and resentment that's been holding you back, stick with me.
Alister Dewes:This episode might just change your life.
Alister Dewes:Hello and welcome to episode 115 of the Anger Secrets Podcast.
Alister Dewes:I'm your host, Alister Dewes, and over the last 30 years I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Alister Dewes:In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.
Alister Dewes:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honoured to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.
Alister Dewes:Now let's jump into today's episode, the Healing Power of Forgiveness.
Alister Dewes:Let's start this discussion by saying this Forgiveness is not easy.
Alister Dewes:It's not about sweeping things under the rug or pretending everything is fine when it's not.
Alister Dewes:Forgiveness is a choice.
Alister Dewes:A brave, transformative choice to let go of anger and resentment so that you can heal and move forward.
Alister Dewes:With that said, let's explore seven powerful tips to help you forgive others, even when it feels impossible.
Alister Dewes:Tip one is to understand the impact of holding onto anger.
Alister Dewes:To help understand this, imagine carrying a heavy backpack full of rocks everywhere you go.
Alister Dewes:At first, you may think, I can handle this.
Alister Dewes:But over time, it weighs you down, draining your energy and joy.
Alister Dewes:That's what holding onto anger and resentment does to you.
Alister Dewes:It weighs you down emotionally, mentally and even physically.
Alister Dewes:Studies show that chronic anger can lead to serious health issues like high blood pressure, heart disease and a weakened immune system.
Alister Dewes:As already mentioned, there's a famous quote that sums this up perfectly.
Alister Dewes:Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Alister Dewes:The truth is, the only person being hurt by your resentment is you.
Alister Dewes:When you realize this, forgiveness stops being about the other person.
Alister Dewes:It becomes an act of self care and a way of setting yourself free.
Alister Dewes:Tip two is to accept the imperfections of others.
Alister Dewes:Here's an important thing.
Alister Dewes:No one is perfect.
Alister Dewes:Not you, not me, and certainly not the people who've hurt us.
Alister Dewes:We are all shaped by our experiences, our upbringings and our struggles.
Alister Dewes:And most people are doing the best they can when with what they've got.
Alister Dewes:Does this mean their actions are excusable?
Alister Dewes:Not at all.
Alister Dewes:But when you accept that people are flawed, it becomes easier to release the anger you're holding onto.
Alister Dewes:Instead of focusing onto their mistakes, you can focus on your healing.
Alister Dewes:This doesn't mean saying it's fine.
Alister Dewes:It means saying, I refuse to let your imperfection define my my state of mind.
Alister Dewes:Tip three is to practise empathy.
Alister Dewes:Although challenging at times, empathy is like a superpower.
Alister Dewes:It allows you to step into someone else's shoes and see the world from their perspective.
Alister Dewes:Now, practising empathy with someone who's hurt you is hard.
Alister Dewes:It can feel like they don't deserve it.
Alister Dewes:But here's what I've learned from decades of helping people heal.
Alister Dewes:Empathy doesn't mean agreeing with what they did.
Alister Dewes:It means understanding the why behind it.
Alister Dewes:Ask yourself, what might this person have been going through?
Alister Dewes:What fears or pains could have driven their actions?
Alister Dewes:You might not like the answers, but trying to understand them can help you overcome the anger you've been holding onto.
Alister Dewes:Tip four is to let go of the need for revenge.
Alister Dewes:As you may have experienced, the thought of taking revenge on others often feels satisfying in the moment.
Alister Dewes:For example, it's tempting to think, if they hurt me, I'll hurt them back.
Alister Dewes:But here's the truth.
Alister Dewes:Revenge doesn't mean closure.
Alister Dewes:It just means keeping the cycle of pain and hurt going.
Alister Dewes:Think of it this way.
Alister Dewes:Every minute you spend plotting revenge is a minute you could use to heal, grow and create a better life for yourself.
Alister Dewes:Forgiveness is about choosing peace over revenge and freedom over anger.
Alister Dewes:Tip five is to communicate Your feelings.
Alister Dewes:Anger thrives in silence.
Alister Dewes:If you bottle up your emotions, they'll only grow stronger, creating resentment and pain.
Alister Dewes:If it's safe and possible, have an honest conversation with the person who hurt you.
Alister Dewes:Share how their actions affected you and listen if they're willing to share their perspective.
Alister Dewes:Sometimes just being heard can release a huge weight from your shoulders.
Alister Dewes:And if they're not willing, or if it's unsafe, find another way to express your feelings.
Alister Dewes:Write an email or letter to them, even if you never send it.
Alister Dewes:Talk to a trusted friend or write down or journal your thoughts.
Alister Dewes:The key is to get your emotions out of your system so that they no longer control you.
Alister Dewes:Tip six is to focus on the present and future.
Alister Dewes:Anger and resentment have a way of trapping you in the past, forcing you to relive the same painful moments over and over.
Alister Dewes:But the past is gone.
Alister Dewes:It's unchangeable.
Alister Dewes:What you can change is how you choose to live today and the life you create for yourself moving forward.
Alister Dewes:When you focus on the present, you reclaim your power.
Alister Dewes:You're no longer defined by what happened to you, but by your current choices.
Alister Dewes:And here's a bonus.
Alister Dewes:When you focus on your growth, it becomes easier to wish the other person well.
Alister Dewes:This doesn't mean you have to forget what happened.
Alister Dewes:It just means saying, I hope you find peace because I'm finding mine.
Alister Dewes:Tip seven is to practise self compassion.
Alister Dewes:Forgiveness isn't just about letting go of anger towards others.
Alister Dewes:It's also about forgiving yourself.
Alister Dewes:Be kind to yourself.
Alister Dewes:Acknowledge that you're doing your best with what you've been through.
Alister Dewes:You're allowed to make mistakes, feel hurt and take time to heal self.
Alister Dewes:Compassion is the foundation of forgiveness.
Alister Dewes:Treating yourself with love and understanding makes it much easier to extend that same grace to others.
Alister Dewes:Okay, those are my seven powerful tips to help you forgive others, even when it feels impossible.
Alister Dewes:Let's recap those tips now.
Alister Dewes:Tip one is to understand the impact of holding onto anger.
Alister Dewes:Tip 2 is to accept the imperfections of others.
Alister Dewes:Tip 3 is to practice empathy.
Alister Dewes:Tip 4 is to let go of the need for revenge.
Alister Dewes:Tip five is to communicate your feelings.
Alister Dewes:Tip six is to focus on the present and future.
Alister Dewes:And finally, tip seven is to practice self compassion.
Alister Dewes:Remember, forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for healing and personal growth.
Alister Dewes:By letting go of anger and resentment, you're not just freeing the other person, you're freeing yourself.
Alister Dewes:Ask yourself this.
Alister Dewes:Who am I holding anger or resentment towards right now?
Alister Dewes:And more importantly, how much longer am I willing to carry this weight?
Alister Dewes:Forgiving others can feel like an uphill battle, but the freedom and joy it brings makes it worthwhile.
Alister Dewes:It's a gift you give yourself, a gift of peace, healing and the chance to live fully in the present.
Alister Dewes:Take it one step at a time and trust that you have the strength to move forward.
Alister Dewes:Okay, that's all for today's episode on the Healing Power of Forgiveness.
Alister Dewes:Be sure to tune into the next episode to learn how to stop getting angry.
Alister Dewes:If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast and head over to your favourite podcast app and leave a rating and review.
Alister Dewes:This helps other people struggling with anger to find and benefit from this show.
Alister Dewes:Remember, for free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com or if you would like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about my powerful online coaching program, the Complete Anger Management System.
Alister Dewes:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Alister Dewes:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Alister Dewes:I'll see you in the next episode.
Alister Dewes:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
