Episode 114
114 - Breaking the Cycle: Angela's Journey Beyond Anger
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Anger can feel like an inescapable cycle, especially for those who have grown up in environments where conflict and frustration are commonplace. In this episode, host Alastair Duhs shares the powerful journey of Angela, a mother struggling with anger management in the wake of her upbringing in a volatile household.
Angela reveals how her father's short temper shaped her understanding of anger, including a gradual realisation that her own reactions were negatively impacting her children and marriage.
The episode uncovers the transformative steps Angela has taken by participating in the Complete Anger Management System, illustrating that change is not just possible, but within reach for those determined to break free from the past.
Key Takeaways:
- Angela's journey highlights that change is possible, regardless of your upbringing or past.
- Understanding the different forms of anger can help in managing emotional responses effectively.
- Recognising the impact of anger on relationships is crucial for personal transformation.
- Taking the first step towards anger management can lead to a calmer, happier life.
- Mindfulness in communication helps to prevent escalation during conflicts with loved ones.
- Breaking the cycle of anger and abuse involves conscious effort and commitment to change.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Imagine this.
Alister:You're sitting at the dinner table with your family.
Alister:A minor disagreement turns into raised voices.
Alister:Before you know it, anger takes over and you say something you instantly regret.
Alister:The room falls silent, and the damage is done.
Alister:For some people, this cycle of anger feels unbreakable, especially if it has been passed down from one generation to the next.
Alister:You might wonder, is it possible to change?
Alister:Can I stop my anger before it destroys the relationships I care about the most?
Alister:In today's episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, you will hear from someone who knows this struggle intimately and is courageously rewriting her story.
Alister:Angela is a woman who grew up in a household shaped by abuse and violence.
Alister:But instead of letting it define her, she's taken bold steps to break free from this cycle.
Alister:Angela recently joined my anger management coaching program, the Complete Anger Management System.
Alister:And although she's early in her journey, her transformation is already extraordinary.
Alister:Her story proves that no matter where you've come from, it's possible to create a calmer, happier, and more loving life.
Alister:If you've ever felt trapped by the intergenerational cycle of abuse, Angela's story is one you won't want to miss.
Alister:It's a story of courage, hope, and the power of taking that first step towards change.
Alister:Hello, and welcome to episode 114 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Alister:I'm your host, Alister Dews.
Alister:And over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Alister:In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.
Alister:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honored to support you in controlling your anger once and for all.
Alister:Now let's jump into my interview with Angela.
Host:Welcome, Angela, to the Anger Secrets podcast.
Host:To start with, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Angela:I'm married nearly four years.
Angela:I've got two kids.
Angela:One's just turned three and one's about to turn two.
Angela:I run two businesses, I'm an artist and I also run an Airbnb.
Angela:And I guess I'm pretty outdoorsy, quite outgoing.
Host:So what brought you to my anger course?
Angela:There is anger in our family, so I've always been raised with a dad that's had a short temper, which had a great upbringing, but he was always just very impatient in our household.
Angela:If it wasn't done, it could turn into just stress.
Angela:So I feel like I've been raised around that, which is then having kids and having them close in age, like 15 months apart.
Angela:It's just brought out this anger in me that I never thought I really had.
Angela:But having these kids, it's just given me like real short temper where my husband's come at me like, you need to sort your anger out cause it's not good for the kids, it's not good for me.
Angela:And I had some family members, like my brother even said to me, like, what's going on?
Angela:You seem real angry all the time.
Angela:And mum was getting worried about me and I was just like brushing it off.
Angela:And then I thought about it and I was like, my kids are starting to react to this.
Angela:Like my 3 year old's yelling back at me, like telling me to shut up.
Angela:And I'm like, this is not what I pictured to be that kind of mother where I'm like getting angry over the things that kids just do.
Angela:So that's when I was like, no, I need to make a change and my marriage needs to be happier because I've got quite an opposite husband who's black, can't to a point where it's a little bit too calm.
Angela:But then I guess you balance each other out in ways.
Angela:But then it's not nice to be arguing or me getting angry over things that I don't make you angry about.
Angela:I could probably communicate it more.
Angela:Yeah.
Host:So was there a specific incident that brought you to this anger course or was it just a gradual realization that anger was an issue for you?
Angela:I think it's just been gradual.
Angela:Like when I became a mum, my husband and I had been together for nearly 12 years in our relationship that was like on and off.
Angela:So I already had that insecurity of things where it was one minute we're good and we have an argument and then oh, it's over.
Angela:And then, oh, we're back together again.
Angela:And then I got pregnant with them.
Angela:That's when we were like, is this what we need to do?
Angela:And I feel like we were always going to be together but we put that stress on ourselves.
Angela:We got married and we bought a house and then I fell pregnant quite quickly and all that sort of stress started building up and my daughter didn't really like having a little sister.
Angela:So I was dealing with my 15 month old attacking my newborn baby as well as renovating a house.
Angela:Like there was so much going on and that's just been A buildup of things where I just snap at the smallest of things, where I'll swear my head off.
Angela:And it's like, why don't I just do that?
Angela:I looked at myself like, oh, don't do that.
Angela:But you do it because you just all tense and all you feel like doing is screaming because that's the only way people are going to listen to you.
Angela:But actually, one, it shuts my husband down, my kids shut down, and then I'm left feeling guilty and picking up these pieces of, oh, now I've got to mend the family.
Angela:And yeah, it's all that munguilt.
Angela:And it just builds up.
Angela:Yeah, it's been a journey.
Angela:And I feel like doing this course, it's helping me just to see what is anger as well.
Angela:It's not just like screaming.
Angela:There's derogatory comments and stuff like that.
Angela:And I'm just learning that because I can be quite nasty with my mouth too.
Angela:Yeah, it's a lot.
Alister:Okay, thank you.
Host:So it's given you more understanding of what anger and abuse is, for instance?
Angela:Yeah.
Angela:Like even just the way I talk sometimes, I can be quite nasty in my comments.
Angela:And then I know that because it's going to hurt people I love.
Angela:And that's just not getting us anywhere.
Angela:Those comments, it just goes in circles and you look back and think, I don't need to go like that.
Angela:And that's where I'm starting to learn with your course, just how I can handle things a bit better.
Host:Yep.
Host:When did you start the course?
Angela:I started about a month ago, I think.
Angela:Maybe three weeks to a month.
Angela:Yeah.
Angela:Sounds crazy.
Angela:Because I'm always busy.
Angela:It's just finding that time.
Angela:And it's usually when the kids are asleep to sit down and do it.
Angela:But it's their modules.
Angela:Yes.
Angela:And if I'm not too tired myself.
Angela:But it definitely helps having it online where you sit down, it's quiet.
Angela:And remember, sometimes I'm so, like, scattered.
Angela:But that's right.
Angela:I should have done my anger management last night.
Host:Okay.
Host:And what's been the main thing you've learned so far?
Angela:The main thing I've learned so far are the different sorts of anger.
Angela:So it's not just physical, verbal, there's psychological, all that stuff.
Angela:That part of anger I'm also learning.
Angela:It's easier than you think to stop the anger.
Angela:That's what I'm starting to learn that I always thought, oh, it's gonna be so hard to break this pattern of anger.
Angela:Cause it's so quick but learning those little keys to walking away from the situation.
Angela:Gosh, if I say that, how is it going to affect, say, my husband or my kids?
Angela:So I'm starting to just think before I act in little ways, and sometimes I don't.
Angela:And I'm like, oh, here we go.
Angela:But then other ways, I'm like, oh, actually, Yep, I can hear my husband's actually annoying me.
Angela:I'm not liking what he's saying, but I'm not going to react to this right now because it could blow up.
Angela:Or just agree to disagree for the time, being nice.
Host:So you're more thoughtful about how you respond?
Angela:Yes, yes.
Angela:Just trying to be more mindful that my kids are looking at me as a leader, like, I'm your mum and they love me to bits.
Angela:But just trying to remind myself that I've got two little girls that are soaking everything in and if I react like that, they're gonna think that's how you react.
Angela:And the Molly Baptist, for one, when they become young adults and stuff.
Angela:Which that's why I'm breaking the cycle, because I saw my dad, who's got a short temper, and the way he handles things is not great.
Angela:So it's breaking that family cycle.
Angela:Really.
Host:Yeah.
Host:Breaking that cycle is an important motivation for many people.
Host:Have other people noticed any difference in you?
Angela:My husband has commented.
Angela:He said to me, it's nice to see you not swearing the cat so much.
Angela:And he said that you just sing a bit, Calor.
Angela:That's what he said to me, which is nice because he's quite a quiet guy.
Angela:So when he says something, he means it.
Angela:He's not just a talker for no reason.
Angela:I was like, oh, thank you.
Angela:I'm trying.
Host:That's cool.
Host:What would you say to someone else who is thinking of doing this course?
Angela:I would say to them, if you feeling like you're in a rut, where you are finding that anger is your only solution to things and it's affecting your family and accepting your wellbeing or your children, and definitely look into it.
Angela:I think there's some really great keys here, like, for anyone of any sort of personality to take from.
Angela:I just think it's a very easy course to follow.
Angela:Like, your modules are simple.
Angela:They're short too.
Angela:So you're not like sitting there for half an hour listening to someone where you could doze off.
Angela:It's like seven minutes, eight minutes.
Angela:Right?
Angela:You get the point.
Angela:You go over it.
Angela:You can write things down, look back on your notes and go, that's what I think it's a benefit for people to look in to do it.
Host:Yeah, very cool.
Host:Anything else you'd like to say if.
Angela:You'Re thinking of doing it?
Angela:If you're in a rut like I have been with, say, your relationship, or you're feeling like your partner is on breaking point with you because of the way you're acting or you're leading, you know your kids are feeling that, give it a go.
Angela:Because at the end of the day, you want to be a happy person.
Angela:You don't want to be an angry person.
Angela:Anger causes stress, which leads to other things.
Angela:And when you're around angry people, it's not nice.
Angela:If you're finding that it's becoming a daily issue or something, give it a go.
Angela:See how it works for you.
Alister:Angela's story is a powerful reminder that change is always possible, no matter where you come from or what you've been through.
Alister:Angela's determination to break the cycle of anger and abuse is truly inspiring, and it's proof that you don't need to stay stuck in patterns of anger, resentment or pain.
Alister:Breaking the intergenerational cycle of abuse isn't easy, but as Angela shows, it's worth it.
Alister:You can create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships not just for yourself, but for your family and future generations.
Alister:As Angela so beautifully puts it, if you think anger is an issue for you, or if you are stuck in a rut in your relationship, or you're feeling like your partner is at breaking point with you because of your anger, give something new a go.
Alister:No one wants to be defined by anger.
Alister:Dig down.
Alister:We all want to be calm, happy and respectful people.
Alister:And learning to control your anger is the first step towards becoming that person.
Alister:Okay, that's all for today's episode on how Angela is breaking the cycle of abuse.
Alister:If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast and head over to your favorite podcast app and leave a quick rating and review.
Alister:This helps other people struggling with anger to find and benefit from this show.
Alister:Remember too, for free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com or if you'd like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about my powerful online coaching program, the Complete Anger Management System.
Alister:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Alister:And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Alister:I'll see you in the next episode.
Alister:Take care.
Disclaimer Speaker:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Disclaimer Speaker:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Disclaimer Speaker:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
