Episode 136
136 - Mastering the Art of Apologising: 7 Key Tips
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs discusses the importance of a genuine apology and how it can truly heal relationships.
He shares how many people struggle with apologising effectively, often just saying "I'm sorry" without understanding what it really means, and shares seven practical tips to help listeners make their apologies more meaningful.
From acknowledging mistakes to committing to real change, Alastair emphasises that a heartfelt apology can rebuild trust and repair damage. By taking these steps, he believes people can strengthen their connections and move forward in a positive way.
Key Takeaways:
- A genuine apology can rebuild trust, soften resentment, and even save relationships.
- It's important to express genuine remorse by acknowledging the pain you caused someone.
- To apologise effectively, one should avoid excuses and focus on taking full responsibility.
- Real healing takes time, and patience is key when waiting for forgiveness from others.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment and then replayed it over and over in your mind, just wishing you could take it back?
Speaker A:Or maybe you tried to apologize, but instead of helping, it somehow made things worse.
Speaker A:If you've been there, I get it.
Speaker A:The truth is, most of us were never really taught how how to apologize for our mistakes.
Speaker A:We were just told to say I'm sorry and move on.
Speaker A:But what if I told you there's a better way?
Speaker A:A way that heals, A way that reconnects?
Speaker A:Because here's the thing.
Speaker A:A genuine apology, one that's really done well, has the power to shift everything.
Speaker A:It can rebuild trust.
Speaker A:It can soften resentment.
Speaker A:And yes, it can even save a relationship.
Speaker A:Today I'm going to share seven practical tips to help you give the apology you wish you'd said.
Speaker A:The kind that actually helps bring real healing.
Speaker A:Welcome to episode 136 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Alistair Dues and For the past 30 years I've helped over 15,000 people with learn how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:Every week on this podcast I share the same tools and stories I use with my private clients, including real practical strategies that actually work.
Speaker A:However, if you want more support to control your anger, head over to angersecrets.com you'll find a powerful free training there, plus the option to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me.
Speaker A:I'd love to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Okay, let's get into today's episode the Apology youy wish you'd said let's start by being honest.
Speaker A:Apologizing is tough, especially when you know you've hurt someone you love.
Speaker A:Whether it was one angry moment or something that's been building over time, sometimes finding the right words feels impossible.
Speaker A:But here's the good news.
Speaker A:You can get better at it.
Speaker A:You can learn how to apologize in a way that truly repairs the damage and helps you move forward.
Speaker A:So are you ready to learn seven tips to help you deliver an apology that actually works?
Speaker A:If so, let's dive in.
Speaker A:Acknowledge what you did wrong.
Speaker A:This first tip is where it begins.
Speaker A:When you apologize, don't soften the blow or explain your intentions.
Speaker A:Simply own your mistake.
Speaker A:Do this by being clear and specific and be willing to take full responsibility for your actions with without blaming, minimizing or justifying.
Speaker A:So instead of saying I'm sorry if you were hurt, say I'm sorry that I hurt you.
Speaker A:I raised my voice, I lost control and that was wrong.
Speaker A:This is how your apology starts to feel real.
Speaker A:Express genuine remorse.
Speaker A:Once you've acknowledged your mistake, speak from the heart.
Speaker A:Let the person know that you truly regret your actions.
Speaker A:Not because you got caught or because they're upset, but because you see the pain you caused and you feel it too.
Speaker A:A real apology doesn't sound like sorry I snapped.
Speaker A:It sounds like I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Speaker A:You didn't deserve that.
Speaker A:I was overwhelmed, but that's no excuse.
Speaker A:And I hate that I hurt you.
Speaker A:Your tone matters here, so soften your voice.
Speaker A:Slow down.
Speaker A:Be calm.
Speaker A:Be honest.
Speaker A:Let them see that you mean it.
Speaker A:Show you understand the impact.
Speaker A:This third tip is where most apologies fall flat, and especially when the hurt person doesn't feel understood.
Speaker A:Take a moment to really imagine what it felt like to be on the receiving end of your actions.
Speaker A:Then say it out loud by saying something.
Speaker A:I can see why my words made you feel disrespected, or it makes sense that you felt shut out or rejected.
Speaker A:This is how you show empathy.
Speaker A:And empathy is what creates emotions.
Speaker A:Emotional safety tip 4 no buts ever let's be clear.
Speaker A:Saying I'm sorry but isn't an apology.
Speaker A:It's a justification in disguise.
Speaker A:So if you're tempted to explain yourself, stop.
Speaker A:Ask yourself, is this helping them feel seen and valued?
Speaker A:Or am I just trying to defend myself?
Speaker A:Stick to I was wrong, I'm sorry, period.
Speaker A:No excuses, no blame, no justification.
Speaker A:Offer to make amends.
Speaker A:Now, words are powerful, but actions carry the real weight.
Speaker A:So as part of your apology, ask yourself, what can I do to make this right?
Speaker A:Maybe that means replacing something you broke.
Speaker A:Maybe it's writing a heartfelt note.
Speaker A:Maybe it's showing up consistently in small ways to rebuild trust.
Speaker A:Even a simple statement like I want to do better and I'd love to know what would help you feel safe with me again can go a long way.
Speaker A:Tip 6 Commit to real change the best apology is changed behaviour.
Speaker A:So don't just say you'll do better.
Speaker A:Show it.
Speaker A:If anger is a recurring issue, take real steps to work on it.
Speaker A:Seek help.
Speaker A:Take a course.
Speaker A:Commit to self awareness and growth.
Speaker A:Because nothing says I'm sorry like making sure it doesn't happen again.
Speaker A:If that's something you want help with, check out the anger management programs I offer@AngerSecrets.com I'd be happy to help you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Accept their response, whatever it is.
Speaker A:This may be the hardest part.
Speaker A:Realising that you can control what you say, but not how they respond.
Speaker A:The person you hurt may need time.
Speaker A:They may not be ready to forgive.
Speaker A:And that's okay.
Speaker A:What matters is that your apology is authentic, that it comes from a place of humility, not a desire to be let off the hook.
Speaker A:Real healing takes time.
Speaker A:Your job is to be patient, present and consistent.
Speaker A:Show them through your actions that you are truly sorry and committed to changing your behavior.
Speaker A:Okay, I hope these tips help you craft an apology that truly matters.
Speaker A:The kind that isn't just about smoothing things over, but about rebuilding what was broken.
Speaker A:Because in my experience, working with thousands of individuals and couples, a heartfelt apology can be the first step toward deeper connection, even after serious pain.
Speaker A:Remember, we all mess up.
Speaker A:We all say things we regret.
Speaker A:But when you learn how to repair instead of just react, you don't just fix the problem, you build stronger, more resilient relationships.
Speaker A:It's not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:The apology you wish you'd said.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful, I'd appreciate it if you hit follow and maybe leave a quick review.
Speaker A:It helps others find this show and it might be the nudge someone else needs to take back control of their anger too.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want free support training or a free one on one call to see if I can help you control your anger, Visit my website angersecrets.com and if you're ready to dive deeper and finally get your anger under control for good, head to angersecrets.com or course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:Finally, let me leave you with can't control what your partner says or does or thinks, but you can control how you respond to them.
Speaker A:And that is where your real power lives.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
