Episode 167
167 - Five Steps to Rebuild a Relationship After Separation
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
What do you do when the person you love no longer wants to be with you, and anger, fear or past behaviour has broken trust?
In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks directly to those facing one of the hardest moments in a relationship: separation caused by anger issues. With honesty and realism, he explains why rebuilding trust takes time, and outlines a clear, step-by-step path forward for those who are genuinely committed to change.
This isn’t about quick fixes or saying the right words. It’s about doing the work that actually matters.
What you’ll learn in this episode
- Why rebuilding a relationship after separation is possible, but cannot be rushed
- The first thing you must address before any reconciliation can happen
- Why taking full responsibility for the impact of your anger is essential
- When (and when not) to re-establish contact with your partner
- How to show real, lasting change in ways your partner can trust
- What it takes to build a healthier relationship together moving forward
The five steps covered in the episode:
- Deal with your anger, abuse, or violence issues
- Accept responsibility for the impact your behaviour has had
- Re-establish contact only when appropriate
- Show consistent evidence of real change
- Work on creating a different relationship together
Need support with this?
If you want help managing your anger or guidance on rebuilding your relationship:
- Watch the free training on breaking the anger cycle
- Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call
- Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
All options are available at angersecrets.com.
Rebuilding a relationship after separation isn’t easy — but with commitment, patience and the right support, it can be done.
And remember:
You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself.
Transcript
What do you do when the person you love the most no longer wants to be with you?
Speaker A:Is it even possible to rebuild a relationship after anger, abuse or fear has led to a relationship separation?
Speaker A:And how do you prove you've changed, especially when your partner no longer trusts your words?
Speaker A:Rebuilding trust after a relationship separation is a slow and challenging process, but it is possible.
Speaker A:And if you're here listening right now, that means you are willing to put in the effort to make things right.
Speaker A:In this episode, I'll walk you through a realistic step by step process for rebuilding a relationship after separation due to anger issues, including what to do first, what not to rush, and how to show change in a way that actually matters to your partner.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 167 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website angersecrets.com.
Speaker A:there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:Okay, with that said, let's dive into today's topic.
Speaker A:How to rebuild your relationship after separation due to anger issues.
Speaker A:First and foremost, it's important to acknowledge the pain and hurt that anyone experiences during a relationship separation.
Speaker A:It is never easy to leave a relationship and it is never easy to be the person that your partner has left, especially if it is due to anger issues.
Speaker A:Having acknowledged this, there is also good news.
Speaker A:It is entirely possible to rebuild a relationship after separation due to issues of anger, abuse or even violence.
Speaker A:But how do you do this?
Speaker A:When I work with clients, I often share the following five steps to rebuilding a relationship after separation.
Speaker A:You will appreciate that these steps are not a simple process that you can tick off one by one, but a continual cycle that couples need to put time and effort into.
Speaker A:But if you can do that, and if your partner is interested in rebuilding your relationship even after they have chosen to separate from you, it can be done.
Speaker A:So what are these steps?
Speaker A:These steps Step one Deal with your anger, abuse or violence issues.
Speaker A:Step two Accept responsibility for the impact your anger, abuse or violence has had on your partner.
Speaker A:Step 3 Re establish contact with your partner only when appropriate.
Speaker A:Step 4 Show evidence of change and Step 5 Work on your relationship together.
Speaker A:Let's look at each of these steps in more detail.
Speaker A:Step one Deal with your anger, abuse or violence issues the first step in rebuilding a relationship after separation due to anger, abuse or violence issues is to deal with those issues.
Speaker A:This means taking ownership of your anger, understanding the root causes and triggers of your anger, and learning how to manage your anger effectively.
Speaker A:Of course I can help you with this.
Speaker A:Just Visit my website angersecrets.com for more detail on how I can do this.
Speaker A:While dealing with your anger, abuse or violence issues is a painful step for many people, it should be obvious that if it is not done, there is no hope for your relationship to continue.
Speaker A:Accept responsibility for the impact your anger, abuse or violence has has had on your partner.
Speaker A:More often than not, individuals with anger, abuse or violence issues do not realize the full extent of the impact their behaviour has had on their partners.
Speaker A:Not surprisingly, opening yourself up to the idea that your behaviour has hurt the one you love the most is not easy, but it's a necessary step in rebuilding the relationship.
Speaker A:One part of the impact your anger has had on your partner is that your partner may not want any contact with you while they begin their healing process.
Speaker A:If this is the case, it is vital that you respect your partner's wishes, give them the space they need and honour their boundaries.
Speaker A:While they work on healing themselves, you should also work on yourself.
Speaker A:Seek help from others, do personal growth courses, learn more about anger and relationships, and most of all, try to become the best possible version of yourself.
Speaker A:There is a good chance that your partner is also doing the same.
Speaker A:STEP 3 Re establish contact only when appropriate the next step to rebuilding your relationship after separation is to re establish contact with your partner.
Speaker A:This should only be done when your partner is ready for it.
Speaker A:For instance, I have seen many couples who have been separated three months, six months or even a year before re establishing meaningful contact.
Speaker A:Of course, the time frame is different for every situation and it's important to let your partner take the lead on when they feel ready.
Speaker A:If your partner is willing to have contact with you, start slowly.
Speaker A:Begin with casual meetings to get used to being back in each other's company and gradually work your way up to more meaningful conversations about your relationship.
Speaker A:In these conversations, listen more than you talk.
Speaker A:Remember, helping your partner rebuild trust in you and your change process takes time and cannot be rushed.
Speaker A:Step 4 Show evidence of change in order to rebuild your relationship after a separation due to anger, abuse or violence issues, your partner needs to know that you have truly addressed your anger abuse or violence issues and changed.
Speaker A:Understandably, your partner is likely to be sceptical about your changes at first.
Speaker A:It's important to be patient, consistent and understanding of their feelings during this process.
Speaker A:They may also need to start venting their feelings and emotions around how you have hurt them in the past.
Speaker A:If this is the case, let them Listening to the pain you have inflicted on your partner may be challenging, but it is a necessary step in a true healing process.
Speaker A:So how can your partner tell that you have really changed?
Speaker A:One thing I tell clients is that often when someone has really done the work to address their anger issues, they physically look different.
Speaker A:This is perhaps due to things such as the tension in their facial muscles changing and it can be quite striking.
Speaker A:Another way your partner may be able to tell that you have truly changed is is through your actions.
Speaker A:Are you consistently treating them with respect and kindness?
Speaker A:Do you take responsibility for your mistakes and make a genuine effort to make amends?
Speaker A:These are all important ways that show true change in behavior.
Speaker A:Work on your relationship together.
Speaker A:Lastly, but certainly not least, rebuilding a relationship after separation due to anger, abuse or violence issues requires both parties to work on their relationship to create a relationship that is very different to the one they had prior to the separation.
Speaker A:This may involve attending couples therapy, working on communication and conflict resolution skills, or setting boundaries to ensure that both partners feel safe and respected in the relationship.
Speaker A:It's important to remember that rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort and patience from both parties.
Speaker A:For couples that I work with, I have a comprehensive coaching program that I share with them to help guide them through this healing process.
Speaker A:If you would like more details about this program, please contact me.
Speaker A:Okay, there you have it.
Speaker A:Five Steps to Rebuilding a Relationship After Separation Due to Anger, Abuse, or Violence issues.
Speaker A:These steps step 1 deal with your anger issues.
Speaker A:Step 2 accept responsibility for the impact your anger has had on your partner.
Speaker A:Step 3 Re establish contact when appropriate.
Speaker A:Step 4 Show evidence of change and Step 5 Work on your relationship together.
Speaker A:Remember, rebuilding a relationship after separation is not easy and requires ongoing effort from both parties.
Speaker A:But if you are committed to the process and truly want to make your relationship work, it can be done.
Speaker A:It won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
Speaker A:Remember too that if you need help with any of these steps or or would like more guidance, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.
Speaker A:I am here to support you in rebuilding your relationship and creating a stronger, healthier partnership for the future.
Speaker A:Okay, thanks for listening to today's episode on five Steps to Rebuild a relationship after separation.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, please hit that follow button and leave a quick podcast review.
Speaker A:This helps others find the podcast, and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to control their anger today.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to control your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier, and healthier life.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
