Episode 129
129 - Why Do I Keep Losing It?
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Feel like anger gets the best of you? In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three powerful strategies to help you regain control over your anger and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting explosively.
Learn the importance of recognising your Early Warning Signs of anger, using positive self-talk to stay grounded and challenging your beliefs that fuel anger. These steps are straightforward and practical, aimed at creating calmer and stronger connections with loved ones.
Key Takeaways:
- Spotting your Early Warning Signs of anger is crucial for managing anger effectively.
- Positive self-talk can help you stay calm and reduce anger responses.
- Understanding the beliefs behind anger can lead to better control over reactions.
- Challenging common anger-inducing beliefs can help in creating a healthier mindset, and
- Awareness of your feelings can create a powerful window for choosing your responses.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Have you ever promised yourself you'd stay calm and then didn't?
Speaker A:You meant it, really meant it.
Speaker A:You told yourself, this time I won't snap.
Speaker A:I'll keep it together.
Speaker A:And then it happened.
Speaker A:Maybe your partner made a comment that hit the wrong nerve.
Speaker A:Your kid pushed that one button they always seem to find.
Speaker A:Or someone cut you off in traffic so close that your heart jumped into your throat and boom.
Speaker A:It's like something just snapped.
Speaker A:Your voice got louder, your chest tightened, and before you even realized it, you were saying things you didn't mean.
Speaker A:And then afterwards, the guilt, the shame, that sinking feeling.
Speaker A:Why can't I just control this?
Speaker A:If that sounds familiar, I want you to know two things.
Speaker A:First, you are not alone.
Speaker A:And second, there is help.
Speaker A:But here's the truth.
Speaker A:If you don't learn how to manage your anger, it will keep running the show.
Speaker A:It'll mess with your mood, damage your relationships, and affect your health and your future.
Speaker A:That's why in today's episode, I'm going to walk you through three of the most powerful anger management strategies I've taught over the years.
Speaker A:Tools that have helped thousands of people just like you get back in control.
Speaker A:And I'm not talking about strategies that take months or years to work.
Speaker A:Many of my clients notice a real shift in just a few weeks.
Speaker A:So if you've ever asked yourself, why do I keep losing it?
Speaker A:This episode is for you.
Speaker A:Hey there and welcome to episode 129 of the Angus Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Alistair Dues, and for over 30 years now, I have helped more than 15,000 men and women take control of their anger, master their emotions and build calmer, happier, more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:In his podcast, I share the same tools and insights that that I have used with my clients to help them control their anger and change their lives.
Speaker A:If you want extra support on your journey, including free training or a chance to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me.
Speaker A:Head to my website, angasecrets.com.
Speaker A:i'd be honoured to support you.
Speaker A:Now, let's dive into today's episode three strategies to help you stop losing it.
Speaker A:Especially with the people you love most.
Speaker A:Spot your early warning signs.
Speaker A:Let me ask you, how do you know when your anger is starting to build?
Speaker A:For me, it's my jaw.
Speaker A:I catch myself clenching it without even realizing.
Speaker A:And then my shoulders tense up.
Speaker A:My breathing gets shallow.
Speaker A:Over the years, I've learned to spot those signs early.
Speaker A:And that awareness alone, it's changed everything.
Speaker A:Now we all have our own early warning signs.
Speaker A:These might be Physical, like a tight chest, clenched fists, or your voice starting to rise.
Speaker A:Or they might be emotional, like irritation, anxiety, or that familiar feeling of here we go again.
Speaker A:The trick is to learn what your warning signs are.
Speaker A:Because if you can catch them early, you've got a window.
Speaker A:A short one, but a powerful one, to choose a different response.
Speaker A:That might mean taking a few deep breaths, stepping away from the situation, or.
Speaker A:Or even just mentally saying, okay, I feel it coming on.
Speaker A:Let's slow this down.
Speaker A:In my powerful online program, the Complete Anger Management System, I dive deep into this.
Speaker A:I show you exactly how to spot those signs before they boil over, and how to use them as a signal, not a trigger.
Speaker A:Use positive self talk to stay in control.
Speaker A:Once you've spotted your early warning signs of anger, the next step is talking yourself down in a good way.
Speaker A:This is where positive self talk comes in.
Speaker A:Now, I know self talk can sound a bit fluffy, but it's actually one of the most powerful tools you've got.
Speaker A:It's like having your own personal coach in your head.
Speaker A:Let me give you an example.
Speaker A:Let's say you're in the middle of a tense conversation with your partner and your heart's racing.
Speaker A:Instead of thinking, I can't handle this, you train yourself to say, I'm okay, I can stay calm.
Speaker A:I don't have to react.
Speaker A:Some of my go to lines are statements like, I can handle this.
Speaker A:I don't need to get drawn into this.
Speaker A:Let's take a breath first.
Speaker A:Just stay calm.
Speaker A:You've done this before.
Speaker A:It's okay to step away if I need to.
Speaker A:Simple phrases, but they shift your mindset.
Speaker A:And that shift can stop an explosion before it starts.
Speaker A:When I first started using self talk myself many years ago, I remember one particular moment my partner had knocked over something expensive.
Speaker A:I was tired and I felt the anger surge, but I heard myself think, you've got this.
Speaker A:Just pause and it worked.
Speaker A:The anger dissipated and I was able to calmly handle the situation without an outburst.
Speaker A:That moment stuck with me.
Speaker A:It was small, but it was powerful.
Speaker A:Get curious about the beliefs behind your anger.
Speaker A:Now, this one's a little deeper, but it's so important.
Speaker A:Here's the it's not what happens that makes you angry.
Speaker A:It's what you think and believe about what happens.
Speaker A:Let me say that again, because this is huge.
Speaker A:It's not the event itself that makes you angry.
Speaker A:It's your thoughts and beliefs about an event that creates your anger.
Speaker A:And those thoughts come from deeper beliefs you might not even realize you're holding.
Speaker A:Common examples of Beliefs that lead to anger.
Speaker A:I must always be right.
Speaker A:People should treat me with respect no matter what.
Speaker A:If someone hurts me, they deserve to be hurt back.
Speaker A:Life should be fair.
Speaker A:I have to be perfect now.
Speaker A:Don't worry if any of those sound familiar, you're definitely not alone.
Speaker A:These beliefs are incredibly common, but here's the thing.
Speaker A:They often fuel unnecessary anger.
Speaker A:Once you become aware of these beliefs, you can start to challenge them.
Speaker A:And that's where the real growth happens.
Speaker A:Let's say you catch yourself thinking I have to be right.
Speaker A:A more helpful belief might it's okay not to know everything.
Speaker A:I can be open instead of defensive.
Speaker A:Or if you tend to think if someone hurts me, I need to hurt them back, you could replace that.
Speaker A:I can protect myself without striking back.
Speaker A:Forgiveness is strength, not weakness.
Speaker A:Changing beliefs isn't instant.
Speaker A:It takes time, practice, and some honest reflection.
Speaker A:But the results?
Speaker A:They're powerful.
Speaker A:And again, inside the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:I'll guide you through exactly how to do this, step by step.
Speaker A:Alright, let's recap the three strategies that can help you stop losing it.
Speaker A:Strategy 1 Learn your early warning signs of anger.
Speaker A:Use positive self talk to stay calm and grounded.
Speaker A:Identify and challenge the beliefs that lead to your anger.
Speaker A:I know how tough this can be, but I also know what's possible when you apply these tools consistently.
Speaker A:You can take back control.
Speaker A:You can respond instead of react.
Speaker A:And you can create calmer, stronger, more connected relationships with the people who matter most.
Speaker A:Okay, that's it for today's episode.
Speaker A:If this helped you, it would mean a lot if you hit follow and leave a quick review in your favourite podcast app.
Speaker A:It helps other people find this show and might just be the thing that helps someone else take back control of their life.
Speaker A:And remember, if you want free support, training or a free one on one call to see if I can help you control your anger, Visit my website, angersecrets.com and if you're ready to dive deeper and finally get your anger under control for good, head to angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:Thanks so much for listening today.
Speaker A:And remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
