Episode 126
126 - The Hidden Prison of Masculinity
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Many men wear masks that hide their true feelings, making it hard for them to connect with themselves and others. In this episode, host Alastair Duhs talks about how these masks can suffocate men and keep them isolated.
Alastair emphasises that being vulnerable and honest doesn’t make a man weak; it makes him human. By choosing a new way to express manhood, men can lead happier lives and set a better example for future generations.
- Men often wear masks to cope with societal pressures and expectations, which can lead to isolation.
- The alpha male mask can hinder emotional expression and create difficulties in relationships.
- Acknowledging that your mask isn't serving you is the first step to emotional openness.
- Being vulnerable and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, for men.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Have you ever wondered why so many men seem emotionally distant even when they're surrounded by people who care about them?
Speaker A:As a man, do you feel pressured to always be the strong one?
Speaker A:Never showing weakness, Never asking for help?
Speaker A:What if the mask you wear to protect yourself is the same one keeping you isolated and misunderstood?
Speaker A:In today's episode, we confront the sad reality that men are often too afraid to admit.
Speaker A:We peel back the layers on the hidden masks men wear.
Speaker A:The tough guy, the provider, the alpha male.
Speaker A:Masks that society celebrates, but that quietly suffocate the men behind them.
Speaker A:But we're not just talking about the problem.
Speaker A:I'll give you the tools to break free as a man.
Speaker A:You'll learn how to confront the masks that have shaped your identity, reclaim your emotional health, and redefine manhood on your terms.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 126 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dews.
Speaker A:Over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions and build calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Speaker A:In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.
Speaker A:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angussecrets.com I'd be honoured to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Now, let's jump into today's episode on the masks men wear and how these masks may be keeping you from truly connecting with yourself and others.
Speaker A:Let's start by talking about what I mean by a mask.
Speaker A:A mask isn't just something you wear on Halloween or to a costume party.
Speaker A:It's a way of being a role men play to cope with expectations, personal insecurities and societal pressures.
Speaker A:It's the facade men put on to meet the world's demands, even if it means hiding their true selves.
Speaker A:And here's the thing.
Speaker A:We all wear masks.
Speaker A:But for men, especially in Western cultures, the most common mask is is that of the strong, silent type.
Speaker A:You know the type, the guy who never shows emotion, who stays tough no matter what.
Speaker A:It's the mask worn to live up to society's definition of being a man.
Speaker A:But that's not the only mask.
Speaker A:There's also the provider, the protector, the disciplinarian, and of course, the alpha male, as well as many other masks.
Speaker A:Now, these masks aren't necessarily bad.
Speaker A:In some situations, they're useful.
Speaker A:In the military on the sports field or even in high pressure workplaces.
Speaker A:But here's the When a man relies on these masks too much, they stop being tools and start becoming prison cells.
Speaker A:Think about it.
Speaker A:Have you ever felt trapped by who you're expected to be?
Speaker A:So used to wearing a mask that it starts to feel like it's part of your skin.
Speaker A:It's like the mask becomes so familiar, so automatic, that you forget who you are underneath.
Speaker A:I've seen it happen so many times.
Speaker A:Men who wear the alpha male mask so tightly, for example, become controlling, aggressive and domineering.
Speaker A:Even in places where that attitude doesn't fit, like at home or in their relationships, these men struggle to express how they truly feel.
Speaker A:They find it hard to admit when they're wrong and even harder to apologize.
Speaker A:They're stuck in a prison of their own making, believing they must be strong all the time.
Speaker A:Because of this, they can't show vulnerability, admit to weaknesses, or even acknowledge any feelings apart from anger.
Speaker A:Sound familiar?
Speaker A:You may have been there, or maybe you know someone who is.
Speaker A:It's tough and it can feel suffocating, but here's the good it's possible to remove the mask.
Speaker A:So how do you do that?
Speaker A:The first step is to acknowledge that the mask isn't serving you anymore.
Speaker A:If you're stuck in the alpha male role, or find yourself constantly needing to be in control, it's time to recognize that this isn't helping you or the people around you.
Speaker A:And let's be honest, if the only way you know how to handle arguments is by dominating, controlling, or shutting down and walking away, that mask is doing more harm than good.
Speaker A:Once you see that, the next step is to explore new ways of being more open, honest, and ultimately more constructive.
Speaker A:This might be tough to hear, but it's true.
Speaker A:Women have a lot to teach men about emotional openness.
Speaker A:They can show you how to express feelings without fear, how to listen without needing to fix things, and how to communicate in ways that build connections instead of walls.
Speaker A:And here's another thing to don't have to be a man's man all the time, especially when you're around other men.
Speaker A:Being vulnerable doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.
Speaker A:And here's the Many men are struggling, even the ones who look like they have it all together.
Speaker A:Depression, anxiety and low self esteem are common in men, and they're part of being human.
Speaker A:And talking about them doesn't make you less of a man.
Speaker A:I have seen it many times.
Speaker A:Men who've gone through tough times, whether it's losing a job, going through a divorce, or dealing with the death of a loved one and all say the same thing.
Speaker A:What helped them the most was being able to talk about these issues openly and honestly, without fear of judgment.
Speaker A:But to have that conversation, you've got to let go of the alpha male mask.
Speaker A:You've got to be willing to say, I'm struggling and I need help.
Speaker A:The same goes for managing anger.
Speaker A:I can't tell you how many men I've met who know they need help controlling their anger, but feel too proud or too scared to ask.
Speaker A:But you don't have to face it alone.
Speaker A:Other men are struggling with the same issues, and some proven effective techniques can help you take control of your anger faster than you might think.
Speaker A:To conclude this episode, here's the bottom the strong, silent mask of Western masculinity is outdated, harmful and holding men back.
Speaker A:But it doesn't have to be this way.
Speaker A:You have the power to create a different sense of manhood, one that rejects anger, abuse and violence.
Speaker A:One that values openness, vulnerability and emotional intelligence.
Speaker A:And by choosing a new way to be a man, you're not just changing your life.
Speaker A:You're setting an example for the next generation, for your sons and daughters, showing them that there's a better way to be a man today.
Speaker A:Okay, that's all for today's episode.
Speaker A:If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast, head to your favourite podcast app and leave a rating and review.
Speaker A:This will help other people struggling with anger find and benefit from this show.
Speaker A:Remember, for free support on your anger management journey, including free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment.
Speaker A:Call with me, visit my website and angersecrets.com or if you would like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Speaker A:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
