Episode 109
109 - Breaking Free From Emotional Abuse
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Emotional abuse is a serious issue that can leave deep, lasting scars on both victims and perpetrators.
This episode of the Anger Secrets podcast delves into the nature of emotional abuse, exploring its various forms and the significant impact it can have on relationships.
Show host Alastair Duhs outlines five essential steps to help individuals recognise and break free from emotionally abusive behaviors, emphasising the importance of self-awareness and taking responsibility for one's actions.
By understanding the effects of emotional abuse on partners and children, listeners are encouraged to commit to change and create healthier, more respectful relationships.
Join us as we provide valuable insights and practical strategies for overcoming emotional abuse and fostering a supportive environment for all.
Key Takeaways:
- Emotional abuse can manifest in many ways, including verbal insults and manipulation, impacting emotional well-being.
- Recognising your own emotionally abusive behaviors is crucial for fostering healthier relationships.
- Taking responsibility for emotionally abusive actions shows commitment to creating a healthier future.
- Understanding the long-term effects of emotional abuse on children is essential to breaking the cycle.
- Self-awareness and facing the impact of your actions are key steps in overcoming emotional abuse.
- Seeking professional help is vital in breaking free from emotional abuse and fostering meaningful change.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
Transcript
Have you ever acted in ways that control, undermine or hurt your partner?
Alistair Deewes:Such as making them feel fearful, guilty or worthless?
Alistair Deewes:Or perhaps in a moment of anger, you have lashed out at your partner and said things that you didn't mean, scared them or intimidated them in some way?
Alistair Deewes:If so, you're not alone.
Alistair Deewes:Many people unknowingly act in emotionally abusive ways, often without even knowing it.
Alistair Deewes:Often this is driven by unresolved anger, past trauma, or simply not understanding the impact of their actions.
Alistair Deewes:But make no mistake, emotionally abusive actions, intentional or not, will leave deep, lasting scars on those you care about the most, often creating a cycle of pain and broken relationships.
Alistair Deewes:In this episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, we will dive into the topic of emotional abuse.
Alistair Deewes:Together, we'll explore what it is, how to recognise it, and most importantly, how to break free from emotional abuse.
Alistair Deewes:By the end of this episode, you'll have a clearer understanding of how to end emotionally abusive behaviors and develop calmer, healthier and more respectful relationships.
Alistair Deewes:Hello and welcome to episode 109 of the Anger Secrets podcast.
Alistair Deewes:I'm Alistair Deewes and over the last 30 years I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Alistair Deewes:Here, I share the same powerful tools and techniques that have transformed my clients lives.
Alistair Deewes:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honoured to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.
Alistair Deewes:Now let's jump into today's episode, Breaking Free from Emotional Abuse.
Alistair Deewes:Let's begin by understanding precisely what emotional abuse is.
Alistair Deewes:At its core, emotional abuse is any behavior that controls, manipulates or or harms another person's emotional well being.
Alistair Deewes:Whether this is intentional or not.
Alistair Deewes:In relationships, emotional abuse can show up in various ways.
Alistair Deewes:It includes verbal insults, threats, excessive criticism, belittling, gaslighting, using silent treatment, isolating someone from their friends or family, controlling your partner's behavior or decisions, and also other actions such as constantly checking your partner's phone, dictating what they can wear or who they can talk to, or making them feel guilty for spending time with friends or family.
Alistair Deewes:Although it doesn't necessarily involve physical violence, emotional abuse can be just as damaging or more damaging than acts of physical abuse.
Alistair Deewes:People who experience emotional abuse often struggle with fear, low self esteem, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and other mental health issues.
Alistair Deewes:So now that you understand what emotional abuse is and its impact, how do you recognize if you are engaging in emotionally abusive actions and what can you do to stop them?
Alistair Deewes:When I work with clients on the issue of emotional abuse, I often discuss five essential steps to recognise and break free from emotional abuse.
Alistair Deewes:These steps are Step one is to practise self awareness.
Alistair Deewes:The first step in changing any harmful behavior is to become aware of this behaviour.
Alistair Deewes:If you are engaging in emotionally abusive actions, especially when you are angry, you must recognise this to become more aware of when you act in these ways.
Alistair Deewes:Start by noticing exactly how you act when you feel angry.
Alistair Deewes:Do you belittle or criticise your partner?
Alistair Deewes:Do you use threats or silent treatment to try and control them?
Alistair Deewes:Do you become physically or emotionally aggressive?
Alistair Deewes:If so, you are acting in emotionally abusive ways.
Alistair Deewes:Step two is to take responsibility.
Alistair Deewes:The second step to breaking free from emotional abuse is to take responsibility for your emotionally abusive actions.
Alistair Deewes:This means acknowledging that you've acted in this way and acknowledging the harm you have likely caused your partner.
Alistair Deewes:It also means taking ownership of your actions and not blaming others for how you act.
Alistair Deewes:Taking responsibility for your emotionally abusive actions is a brave step and amongst many other things, shows that you are committed to creating a healthier relationship in the future.
Alistair Deewes:Step three is to face up to the effects of emotional abuse.
Alistair Deewes:The third step to breaking free from emotional abuse is to face up to the effects of your emotionally abusive actions.
Alistair Deewes:Emotional abuse rarely happens in isolation.
Alistair Deewes:In most relationships, it's common for one type of emotional abuse to lead to others.
Alistair Deewes:For example, criticism may eventually escalate into insults, silent treatment or even manipulation or gaslighting.
Alistair Deewes:To understand the impact of these behaviors, I ask my clients to imagine how it would feel if they were on the receiving ends of these types of emotional abuse, especially over an extended period.
Alistair Deewes:Almost universally, my clients tell me that it would feel awful and say that they would feel fearful, ashamed, hurt, let down, humiliated, embarrassed, powerless, despairing, small or even depressed.
Alistair Deewes:It is easy to dismiss single acts of emotional abuse as no big deal, but over time, these behaviors add up, leaving the person subjected to them feeling defeated and emotionally worn down.
Alistair Deewes:Step 4 Consider the impact of your actions on your children.
Alistair Deewes:For many people, the fourth step to breaking free from emotional abuse is to consider the effects of this abuse on their children.
Alistair Deewes:Even when the acts of emotional abuse aren't directed directly at them, children living in abusive environments absorb the fear, tension and confusion that come with this abuse.
Alistair Deewes:For example, imagine a child living in a home filled with anger, manipulation or control.
Alistair Deewes:They don't understand why these things are happening and they often don't know who to turn to for help.
Alistair Deewes:The effects of just witnessing these types of abuse can last a lifetime, influencing the children's emotional health well into adulthood.
Alistair Deewes:If you've experienced emotional abuse as a child, you know the lasting impact it can have.
Alistair Deewes:It's essential not to carry this intergenerational cycle of abuse on and to seek professional help to create a safer, healthier and more predictable environment for your family.
Alistair Deewes:Step five is to Make a commitment to change the final step to breaking free from emotional abuse is to commit to making a change.
Alistair Deewes:This means identifying the triggers for your behavior and choosing healthier, more constructive ways to express your emotions.
Alistair Deewes:You are likely to need the support of a professional, but the good news is that change is possible.
Alistair Deewes:With a commitment to self awareness, emotional responsibility and and seeking support if needed, you can break free from the damaging cycle of emotional abuse and build a relationship based on respect, care and understanding.
Alistair Deewes:If you would like guidance on this journey to break free from the use of emotional abuse, I can help.
Alistair Deewes:I offer a very comprehensive coaching program for those looking to break free from emotional abuse.
Alistair Deewes:Check out my website angersecrets.com for more details and don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions or concerns.
Alistair Deewes:I'd love to help you on your journey towards calmer, healthier and happier relationships.
Alistair Deewes:Remember too that emotional abuse is a serious issue that can have long lasting effects on both the victim and the perpetrator.
Alistair Deewes:By recognizing your emotional abusive actions and taking the necessary steps to change them, you not only improve your wellbeing, but also create a safer and healthier environment for those around you.
Alistair Deewes:It is a brave step to seek help and guidance in this journey.
Alistair Deewes:Whether it's through therapy, counselling or coaching programs such as the one I offer, support is available for of people in your situation.
Alistair Deewes:Don't hesitate to reach out and access this support.
Alistair Deewes:You will not regret it.
Alistair Deewes:Okay, thank you for tuning in to today's episode on Breaking Free from Emotional Abuse.
Alistair Deewes:I hope this episode has provided motivation to make meaningful changes in your life.
Alistair Deewes:Note too that if this topic has stirred up any difficult feelings for you, please don't hesitate to reach out for help either to me or to a local mental health professional.
Alistair Deewes:And remember, for free support on your anger management journey including a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me.
Alistair Deewes:Visit angersecrets.com I'd be honoured to help you take control of your anger once and for all.
Alistair Deewes:Finally, remember you you can't control others, but you can control yourself.
Alistair Deewes:Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
