Episode 161
161 - The Real Reasons People Decide to Control Their Anger
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
After an anger outburst, the silence can feel unbearable. In this heartfelt episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the one essential ingredient most people overlook when trying to change: a powerful personal “why.”
Through real stories from men and women just like you, this episode will help you uncover the deeper reason you want to control your anger, and help you finally break free from the cycle for good.
Key Takeaways:
-Change only lasts when it’s driven by a deeper purpose, not just guilt or willpower.
-Real-life stories show that many people want to control their anger for their families, their children, or their sense of self-respect.
-Identifying your personal “why” gives you strength in tough moments and keeps you committed to growth.
-Anger can destroy relationships. But with a clear reason to change, you can rebuild connection and trust.
-Your “why” must be stronger than your anger to truly transform your life.
Links referenced in this episode:
angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management
angersecrets.com/training — Breaking The Anger Cycle
angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System
Transcript
The silence after an anger outburst can be deafening.
Speaker A:You've just slammed the door so hard the walls shook.
Speaker A:Or you've said or done something you just cannot take back.
Speaker A:Now your partner is crying in the next room.
Speaker A:And suddenly in that mirror hanging in your hallway, you catch a glimpse of yourself and you don't recognize the person staring back.
Speaker A:This isn't who you wanted to become.
Speaker A:This isn't the relationship you dreamed of.
Speaker A:And this isn't the life you're supposed to be living.
Speaker A:You know you want to change.
Speaker A:You know you need to change.
Speaker A:And every fibre of your being is screaming for something different.
Speaker A:But here's the sad truth.
Speaker A:Most people never wanting to change isn't enough.
Speaker A:You can read every self help book, or attend every anger management class, or promise yourself a thousand times that this was the last time.
Speaker A:But chances are you'll still find yourself back in that same suffocating silence, wondering how you got there again.
Speaker A:Because change without purpose is just wishful thinking.
Speaker A:And until you discover your real reason you want to change, the one that cuts deeper than shame, stronger than habit, and more powerful than your anger transformation, will remain just out of your reach.
Speaker A:So what's your why?
Speaker A:In today's episode, you'll hear the unfiltered words of people who found their why.
Speaker A:Men and women who were exactly where you are now, trapped in cycles of anger and rage, desperate for change but unable to break free.
Speaker A:Until they discovered the one reason that changed everything.
Speaker A:Because when your why becomes stronger than your anger, miracles happen.
Speaker A:Hello and welcome to episode 161 of the Anger Secrets Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Speaker A:If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angasecrets.com there's a link there to access that free training.
Speaker A:Or if you'd like to chat with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.
Speaker A:I look forward to talking with you.
Speaker A:Ok, with that said, let's dive into today's topic.
Speaker A:The real reasons people decide to control their anger.
Speaker A:Let's start with a simple question.
Speaker A:Why do you want to control your anger?
Speaker A:This may seem like a simple question, but the answer my clients give me is often complex and deeply personal.
Speaker A:Understanding your motivation for wanting to control your anger is crucial to successfully controlling your anger.
Speaker A:Some people have compelling reasons to control their anger, while others may have more superficial or less pressing reasons.
Speaker A:So in today's episode, I thought I'd share some answers to this question that I have received from my clients in the past.
Speaker A:As I share these answers, I want you to think about your own motivation for wanting to control your anger.
Speaker A:Let's get started.
Speaker A:Mike, a 36 year old construction engineer, said, I want to control my anger so I'm a better person and so my partner and son will be able to live with me as a family.
Speaker A:Carlos, a 49 year old small business owner, said, I want to control my anger because my anger is really negatively affecting my marriage and relationship with my children.
Speaker A:I don't want to lose the people I love because of something that I can change with effort and and commitment.
Speaker A:Sarah, a 28 year old mother of two small children, said, I want to control my anger so that I can be a better parent to my kids.
Speaker A:I don't want them to grow up feeling scared or anxious around me.
Speaker A:I want them to feel loved and supported and I know that starts with me managing my emotions better.
Speaker A:David, a 45 year old father of three, said, My anger has caused so many unnecessary arguments with my family.
Speaker A:I want to be the kind of father my kids can look up to, someone who sets an example of patience and understanding.
Speaker A:I know it won't be easy, but I am ready to take the steps needed to improve.
Speaker A:Tracy, a 38 year old nurse and mother of two, said, I've realized that my stress from work often spills over into my home life and my children see a side of me that I regret showing.
Speaker A:I want to create a safe environment for them where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Speaker A:To do that, I need to learn how to manage my frustrations more healthily and focus on what really matters, being present and supportive for my family.
Speaker A:Jason, a 42 year old builder, said, I want to control my anger because I tend to go too far with my anger and start to punch holes in walls, etc.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's because someone doesn't listen to me the first time and I know that person can hear me but they just don't respond.
Speaker A:That makes my anger rise or if I'm wrong on something I thought I was right on, my anger will build and I lose control and damage things.
Speaker A:Samantha, a 29 year old teacher, said, I struggle with frustration that quickly turns into anger when I feel overwhelmed at work.
Speaker A:There are times when we're short staffed and everything feels like it's falling on me.
Speaker A:I'VE snapped at co workers when I didn't mean to just because I was at my breaking point.
Speaker A:I want to learn to handle these moments better and not hurt the people around me.
Speaker A:Michael, a 35 year old business owner and father of three, said, I've found myself snapping at my kids when things go wrong.
Speaker A:It's not who I want to be, but the stress builds up and I don't know how to release it healthily.
Speaker A:I want to break this cycle and model better behaviour for my children.
Speaker A:Finally, Troy, a 36 year old contractor, said, I want to control my anger because it's affecting everything I do in my life, including my family.
Speaker A:I get triggered at the smallest things and it's having a real negative effect on my family to the point where my child might be taken away because of kills me to know that I'm the cause of it.
Speaker A:Now I could continue sharing more responses, but I think you get the idea.
Speaker A:Note that these answers all have one thing in a Desire for change and improvement.
Speaker A:So why do you want to control your anger?
Speaker A:Take some time now to think about this question and identify your motivation for controlling your anger.
Speaker A:This motivation will be the key to the to helping you successfully control your anger, especially when times get tough.
Speaker A:Remember too that change is possible.
Speaker A:With dedication and practice, you can control your anger and create a more positive and fulfilling life for yourself and for those around you.
Speaker A:If you'd like my help to do this, including the opportunity to book one on one coaching with me or enrol in my life changing online anger management course, please visit angasecrets.com for more information.
Speaker A:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Speaker A:Ok, as always, thank you for listening to today's episode.
Speaker A:If this episode was helpful for you, please hit that follow button and leave a quick podcast review.
Speaker A:This helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to address their anger issues today.
Speaker A:And if you're ready to take the next step in controlling your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier and healthier life.
Speaker A:And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Speaker A:I'll see you in the next episode.
Speaker A:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
