Episode 119
119 - Time-Out Made Simple
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
Taking a Time-Out is an effective tool for controlling your anger. In this episode of the Anger Secrets podcast you will learn how to use Time-Outs to step back and cool down before conflicts escalate.
Host Alastair Duhs shares actionable tips for implementing Time-Out effectively in your relationship, ensuring both you and your partner feel respected and heard. Join Alastair as he provides insights from over 30 years of anger management experience, empowering you to create a calmer, happier and more loving relationships.
Key Takeaways:
- Taking a Time-Out is a conscious decision to step away and cool down before anger escalates.
- Discuss Time-Out with your partner beforehand to ensure mutual understanding and effectiveness.
- Recognise the signs of rising anger to take a Time-Out before it leads to conflict.
- During a Time-Out, engage in calming activities like mindfulness or listening to soothing music.
- Communicate clearly when taking a Time-Out and avoid blaming your partner for your feelings.
- Upon returning from a Time-Out, prioritise repairing the relationship and deciding how to address the issue.
Links referenced in this episode:
For more information (and FREE resources) of how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.
For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.
To learn more about The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course/.
Transcript
Have you ever found yourself in the heat of an argument saying things you wish you could take back the moment they left your mouth?
Alister Dewes:Or maybe you've felt those feelings of regret and remorse after anger drove you to say or do something that hurt the person you love the most?
Alister Dewes:If so, how would you feel if there were a way to stop that spiral of anger, abuse or or frustration before it got out of control?
Alister Dewes:In today's episode of the Anger Secrets podcast, I'll introduce you to Time Out, a simple yet life changing tool that allows you to step back, cool down and take control of your anger before it controls you.
Alister Dewes:You'll learn what a timeout is, when to use it, how to make it effective, and why it's one of the most effective ways to control your anger and improve your relationships.
Alister Dewes:As you will learn, taking a time out isn't just about avoiding fights.
Alister Dewes:It's about creating a calmer, happier version of yourself.
Alister Dewes:If you've ever struggled with anger or conflict, this episode is for you.
Alister Dewes:Hello and welcome to episode 119 of the Anger Secrets Podcast.
Alister Dewes:I'm your host, Alister Dewes, and over the last 30 years I've taught over 15,000 men and women how to control their anger, master their emotions, and build calmer, happier and more respectful relationships.
Alister Dewes:In this podcast, I share some of the same powerful tools and techniques that have helped my clients transform their lives.
Alister Dewes:For free support on your anger management journey, including a free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com I'd be honoured to support you in taking control of your anger once and for all.
Alister Dewes:Now let's jump into today's episode Timeout Made Simple.
Alister Dewes:Let's begin understanding what a timeout is with clients I work with.
Alister Dewes:I define a timeout as a conscious decision to leave a situation for an agreed time because your anger is getting out of control.
Alister Dewes:Although timeouts do not solve arguments, they do prevent arguments from getting out of hand.
Alister Dewes:It is important to note that a timeout is different from walking out, which is often done in a controlling way.
Alister Dewes:A timeout is a tool to give yourself the time and space to calm down so that you can come back and have a more constructive conversation.
Alister Dewes:While timeouts are an effective anger management tool, taking a timeout is not always the best option to de escalate a situation.
Alister Dewes:Taking a timeout ineffectively can easily make the person left in the situation feel frustrated, ignored and unheard.
Alister Dewes:For this reason, it is essential to take a timeout.
Alister Dewes:The right way.
Alister Dewes:Here are my top six tips for taking an effective timeout in a relationship Discuss timeout with your partner before using it the first step in taking a timeout effectively is to discuss time out with your partner before you need to use it.
Alister Dewes:This discussion should take place when you and your partner are both calm.
Alister Dewes:Discussing timeout before an argument or disagreement ensures that you are both on the same page regarding taking time out in your relationship.
Alister Dewes:In this discussion, agree on the following when will you take time out, how long your timeout will be, where will you go during the timeout, and what will happen when you come back from time out?
Alister Dewes:Having these agreements in place before you take a timeout is vital to your partner understanding that time out is a tool to help you calm down.
Alister Dewes:If your temper is getting out of control, you are not trying to avoid the argument or walking out.
Alister Dewes:Tip 2 When to take time out it is essential to take a time out before your anger takes over and you can no longer have a calm and constructive conversation.
Alister Dewes:It is also essential to take time out before you act in an abusive or violent way.
Alister Dewes:This is especially important if you are prone to physical, emotional or verbal abuse.
Alister Dewes:To take a time out before it is too late, you need to recognise the signs that your temper is getting out of control, feeling overwhelmed and tense, engaging in a loud and aggressive vocal tone, or feeling like you are about to explode.
Alister Dewes:When you become aware of these signs, it is time to take a timeout.
Alister Dewes:Tip 3 what to say when taking a time out if you need to take a time out, it is essential to communicate this effectively with your partner.
Alister Dewes:Remember that timeout is not about avoiding the argument, but instead giving yourself the time to take a break to calm down and have a more productive conversation later.
Alister Dewes:Here are some examples of what you can I'm getting overwhelmed.
Alister Dewes:I need to take a time out.
Alister Dewes:I feel like my anger is getting out of control.
Alister Dewes:I need to take a time out or I need to take care of myself.
Alister Dewes:I need to take a timeout.
Alister Dewes:Once you have said that you need to take a timeout, make sure you stick to the agreed timeout duration you have discussed with your partner.
Alister Dewes:When saying that you need to take a timeout, do not blame your partner for you needing to take a time out.
Alister Dewes:Use harsh or inappropriate language in saying you need to take a timeout or say that you are taking a timeout because your partner is wrong or making you angry.
Alister Dewes:Where to go during your timeout Once you have said that you need to take a timeout, make sure you leave the situation.
Alister Dewes:Do not stay and continue to argue with your partner.
Alister Dewes:If you have carried out Tip one correctly, you and your partner have agreed on how to take a time out and where you will go.
Alister Dewes:Your partner will also know when you are coming back.
Alister Dewes:If you stick to this agreement, your partner will gain confidence that you are genuinely trying to manage your anger.
Alister Dewes:Some appropriate places to go during a timeout Going to a separate room from your partner Going for a walk outside, Going to a park or other outdoor space or going to a friend's house.
Alister Dewes:If you have previously agreed on this, wait for the agreed time.
Alister Dewes:After you have taken time out, you must return to your partner at the agreed time.
Alister Dewes:Even if you have calmed down before this time, stick to your agreement to return at the agreed time, as your partner may also need time to cool down.
Alister Dewes:Some suitable activities to do during timeout Practising mindfulness techniques such as meditating, focusing on your breath or visualising peaceful images Listening to calming music or reminding yourself why you value your partner and the relationship what to do when you return from time out when you return from time out, the first thing you should do is work to repair your relationship.
Alister Dewes:This means that you and your partner should get back on good terms with each other, such as hugging each other, apologising for your part in the argument, or simply speaking kindly to each other.
Alister Dewes:Once you have repaired your relationship, decide with your partner if the issue you discussed is important.
Alister Dewes:If it is, decide when to talk about it again.
Alister Dewes:I think couples often need a day or two to get over the argument before they can talk successfully about the same issue.
Alister Dewes:You also need to discuss how to discuss the issue again without getting heated.
Alister Dewes:For example, you may need another person present when you are talking about this issue, or you should do more research before you talk about the issue again.
Alister Dewes:By following these six tips, TimeOut should be an effective anger management tool for you.
Alister Dewes:In my comprehensive anger management program, the Complete Anger Management System, I include far more details on how to take a timeout effectively, including instructions for partners of people who are taking time out.
Alister Dewes:If you want more details on this course, Visit my website, angersecrets.com to summarise today's episode.
Alister Dewes:Remember that timeouts are not intended to avoid issues, but only to stop arguments from getting to a level where someone acts in an abusive or violent way.
Alister Dewes:Timeouts are not walkouts.
Alister Dewes:They are simply ways to stop arguments from becoming abusive or violent.
Alister Dewes:A timeout is a way to demonstrate that you are serious about managing your anger, abuse or violence issues.
Alister Dewes:Okay, that's all for today's episode on Timeouts Made Simple.
Alister Dewes:Be sure to tune into the next episode to learn how to navigate anger in romantic relationships.
Alister Dewes:If you found this episode helpful, please follow this podcast, head to your favourite podcast app and leave a rating and review.
Alister Dewes:This helps other people struggling with anger to find and benefit from this show.
Alister Dewes:Remember, for free support on your anger management journey, including free training and the opportunity to book a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website angersecrets.com or if you would like to control your anger once and for all, visit angersecrets.com course to learn more about the complete anger management system.
Alister Dewes:I look forward to helping you control your anger once and for all.
Alister Dewes:Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Alister Dewes:I'll see you in the next episode.
Alister Dewes:Take care.
Speaker B:The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.
Speaker B:No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.
Speaker B:If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.
